You Know What Grinds My Gears: Surly Duff Edition

Vegetarians

2009-03-15T11:04:00.001-04:00

Now i have no problem with people who happen to choose to be vegetarians, but I can't stand the people who try to tell me that I shouldn't eat meat. I don't really know any of these people but there are people who are routinely in the media that try to push this movement.

My least favorite argument against eating meat is that doing so is murder. Really? How many wild cows have you seen lately? (if one of you even says something about how female moose are called cows I'm gonna flip) How bout wild chickens? The cow would become endangered within 10 years of being released into the wild. And you all would be so proud to be able to see a cow in a zoo. It's not like all sorts of people would sit there and say, "You know what, we want a pet, but a dog just isn't right, let's go get a cow." Where is the fun in a cow? They aren't any fun. I guess you could have free manure for your garden buts that is about it.

And if we aren't supposed to eat meat, how come we have canine teeth similar to those in all carnivorous animals. Where they given to us by years of mistaken evolution. Or if you want a religious scenario is it really because God permitted us to eat meat for a temporary amount of time after the flood. Cause according to some people all animals were vegetarians. Which i guess explains why vegetarians often need to take supplemental vitamins and such. I guess it also explains why they make tofu products that attempt to taste like meat......wouldn't you think that if you were really committed to not eating meat that maybe you wouldn't want the taste of meat...maybe that's just me.

If you argue that the animals are poorly treated, I'm fine with that. But there are places that sell meat that are not raised in bad conditions. By saying that that is the sole reason you don't eat meat, you sort of group these farmers who endure higher costs to provide a more humane environment with those less humane.

Stop preaching and sending out scare tactic videos. Let people make there own decisions.

UFC

2009-03-08T10:27:00.003-04:00

So it's been a while since I last posted, 28 days to be exact but last night i mistakenly watched a live UFC event for the second time. Now I've always hated UFC. I just don't find it appealing. What is so exciting about watching someone who clearly has no fucking clue where they are get punched int he face by someone who is sitting on top of them.

A lot of UFC fans have tried to tell me that UFC is safer than boxing because you can clutch and protect yourself better. Ask yourself if you'd rather have to defend yourself against someone with big gloves on who can only punch or take on someone with tiny little gloves and is also allow to kick you, and then is also allowed to pound the shit out of you while you're on the ground. I'm pretty sure which decision I would make.

Another issue is when you stop beating the shit out of someone. In boxing, you know you have to stop trowing once the person falls down. This prevents someone who has already been knocked out from taking 3 more punches to the head while he lay there unconscious. Meanwhile in the two UFC events I've seen, I've watched a person who is on the ground unconscious get punched in the head at least three times before the ref could step in. One of these times you could clearly tell that the guy was unconscious before he hit the ground as he arms fell to his side (and made no attempt to cushion his fall) while he fell backwards with his eyes rolled back in his head. His opponent then stood above him and punched straight down into his head three times. Now i know they are trained to fight until the ref stops them, but come on? I don't care how much adrenaline you have pumping through your body, you can tell when someone is effectively dead. Then last night I watched a guy get kicked int he head, he crumpeled to the mat in a way the body normally doesn't bend. The oppenent then jumped in and surprise, surprise punched him in the head a couple times. He then proceed to jump around the ring as though he won the lottery and was doing his "happy dance" even though the opponent layed on the ground unconscious for 5 minutes. I mean at some point you have to tone down your celebration when your opponent may be dead. It's called respect.

What angers me more is that this is now more popular than boxing. This might be because boxing has become so technical that many times it's more of a defensive struggle that takes 12 rounds to have a winner. This is in stark contrast to UFC where even though you can defend yourself "better", the fights rarely last longer than 5 minutes. This leads me to believe that the average fan has the attention span of a hamster.

I guess all there is left to do is wait for someone to die because of a fight. It happens in boxing, and it will happen in UFC.

Kid Rock

2009-02-08T20:50:00.002-05:00

I just turned to the Grammy's and sure enough Kid Rock is performing. What the hell? how the fuck is he still relevant? I haven't heard a new song from him in ages. I mean sure i don't listen to the radio that often, but still, I'm not completely in the dark. The last time I heard one of his songs was when i was in Cuba. And i heard that particularly annoying song three times in 2 hours. Why did I listen to it so many times? Because apparently the disco did not have very much non-Cuban music. What song was it you ask? Kid Rock's version of Sweet Home Alabama.

Well seeing as i started this i might as well blog on the rest of the Grammys.

Coldplay won song of the year against a bunch of smucks.

Right now Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are singing "together for the fist time." Who fucking cares if it's the first time? Is there some sort of significance to a shitty artist's daughter playing with a pop-singer who somehow manages to get country fans to believe here music is country. They are singing a song about being 15, Taylor Swift is 19. Miley Cyrus just called her, her best friend. If that is the case how come you haven't sung together before.

There is an award for best "Pop collaboration with vocals"?.....FUCK OFF. Anything that has Maroon 5 as a nominee is obviously complete bullshit Robert Plante and Allison Kraus won.

Unnecessary shot of Kanye West.

Jennifer Hudson performs......I take this opportunity to go get something to drink.

Oh joy, i just found out Kanye is performing.

CBS is using it's TV "stars" to announce acts. They are using Emily Procter to announce the Jonas Brothers performing with Stevie Wonder, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is that this reminds me of the movie Breast Men, which believe it or not is not a porno. It stars David Schwimmer and Emily Procter in a story about the invention of breast implants. Schwimmer is the doctor and Procter is the wife/Secretary/breast model when girls want to see what they look and feel like. Stevie Wonder must have spent all his money if he is willing to subject himself to this crap. Either that or he has hidden a gun in his coat and will soon start randomly shooting with hopes of hitting at least one Jonas Brother. My god, one Jonas brother is bringing his guitar up to Wonder as though Wonder had a guitar as well and was facing him, but he doesn't and it looks incredibly gay....surprise.

Blink 182 comes out announce they are going to play together again. This are giving out the best rock album. you have coldplay, kid rock, kings of leon, metallica. Come on Coldplay...........YES, and I'm not even a big Coldplay fan.

Oh great, I'm also going to get a Katy Perry performance.

Craig Ferguson(CBS) is on stage....still isn't funny. Announces Katy Perry as the performer. Singing that oh so annoying song "I kissed a girl" This song is made funny because she used to be a Gospel singer. Matt says she is lip sinking.......i won't argue. How is this a famous song......it's awful. Are we really that stupid as a society that if a chick says something mildly suggestive in a song we automatically make it a Grammy nominee. The fruit in the background is Cherries and Bananas.....

Kanye West is on stage immediately after Katy perry. He's rapping, and according to Matt has some sort of an Afro-mullet. Best new artist award being given out by Kanye, the Jonas Brothers are the only ones I've heard of, but manage to lose. This just goes to show how different the American music scene is......or that i don't listen to pop music. A "big-boned" British chick wins. Ayodele or something like that.

Morgan Freeman is out on stage like Micheal Jackson.....one glove. Announces Kenny Chesney as his "friend." Diddy is helping present the record of the year, he will be on CSI Miami tomorrow. Robert Plante and Kraus win again.

M.I.A performs the song from Pineapple Express, but only goes through about 10 seconds of it before Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil'Wayne and some other dude i don't know come in and ruin it. They are referred to as the Rap Pack as a tribute to Dean martin. You pretty much can't understand a fucking word hey are "rapping" this wholle fucking time. Chris Martin looks impressed.

Paul McCartney and Dave grohl perform together. Me and Matt are making an all lefty band, so far Kurt Cobain and Jimi Hendrix on guitar, Paul McCartney on bass. Unfortunately Rick Allen of Def Leppard lost his left and not his right otherwise he would have had that position wrapped up. We will give it to Dennis Wilson.

Jack Black presents Hank Jones with the life-time achievement award. Also, presents the best Male pop vocal, Kid Rock is a nominee, as is McCartney. John Meyer wins.....tv feed cuts out for a second.

Jay Mohr and LL Cool Jay present Sugerland and Ayodele for what is sure to be an amazing performance.....Thankfully no Amy Whinehouse sightings so far.

Neil Diamond is gonna sing Sweet Caroline!!!

Radiohead performs with the USC marching band. Who'd of thunk being in a marching band would get you on the Grammys show?

Samuel Jackson presents Justin Timberlake with TI, and it appears as though TI doesn't know how to wear a toque. We missed the start because we were watching the SNL Storytellers skit where Will Farrell plays Neil Diamond (http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=231) Apparently TI was the other member of the "Rap Pack."

Boy is the Music industry happy that they now make money when their song is played in a third world countries radio station.....way to go assholes. Somehow Obama is related to this...something about him being a Grammy award winner......the dude finishes his speech by saying "Yes we can" and i thin you all know how i feel about that saying. Dude announces Smokey Robinson, who hands out another lifetime achievement award to the Four Tops. One of the members performs with Smokey, Neo and....I can't believe I'm saying this, Jamie Foxx. Seriously, Jamie Foxx? The group is stuck doing very minor dance moves as two of the members are really old. It's also sort of a Motown thing. That might have been the best performance so far, surprisingly. And i hate Jamie Foxx.

Josh groban presents Neil Diamond......who sings Sweet Caroline....i hope the stand sing the chorus with him.....he wrote this song after driving drunk and hitting a kid and killing him. The audience does sing along.....it's just impossible not to. .....SWEET CAROLINE BAH BAH BAH, GOOD TIMES NEVER SEEMED SO GOOD...

Four guys play a song by Bo Diddley (he died along with numerous others, most of which you would have never heard of)

Gary Sinise (CBS, CSI:NY) presents Lil' Wayne. He signs a song about New Orleans and hurricane Katrina. (he's from New Orleans.) Does this song not seem as though it's a bit late. I mean it's been quite a while now. I understand that they are still rebuilding and need more help, but I'm pretty sure Lil' Wayne hasn't given up half his money for the cause.

Once again I will pray this ends on time....but odds are it won't because it's that difficult to schedule. You would think that after 51 years of this show that they would have figured this out by now. I mean sporting events are completely unpredictable but they still alot roughly the right amount of time on their TV converage.

Best Rap album is about to be awarded. Kanye must be pissed his isn't involved this year. Lil' Wayne wins, brings his family and entire entourage on stage. A fun game to play would be "Which of these guys is carrying a gun right now?"

Robert Plante and Allison Kraus perform. I find it amazing that this is some sort of well known album when i haven't heard of it.

Green day is here to hand out the Album of the Year award (the last one!!!) Coldplay, Lil' wayne, neo, plante and kruas, and radiohead are nominees. Plante and Kraus win.....Apparently Kraus has won something like 30 Grammys now. We have a first music playing to try and get them to stop talking....where is Kanye to tell them to stop so he can talk about his mother.

Stevie Wonder closes out the show by performing thankfully without the Jonas Brothers. i can't believe this actually ended on time this year. I now believe in God.

NHL All-Star Game

2009-01-14T20:17:00.002-05:00

I'm tired of hearing people bitch about the NHL all-star game. Seriously, why do people care, it's a fucking exhibition game in the middle of the season. It has absolutely no affect on your favorite teams standing.

Recently, I've heard media outlets, most specifically the Washington media, complaining about who made the team. This is because a couple of their better players did not make the team while some shitty players from other teams did. This happens due to the fact that each team must be represented. Now, these media type know about this rule, and either don't like the rule or don't pay attention how this rule affects how many players from thier team can make the team. For instance, 20 players make the team, the 6 starters are voted in by the fans. This year those 6 players on the eastern conference team came from a grand total of 2 teams. That left 14 roster spots and 13 teams unrepresented. That means one of those teams will get two players with the rest only getting 1. And still some people are upset that thier team didn't have 2 or 3 players named to the team. If you want your team to have more players on it, maybe the fans of said team should vote more.

One of the more annoying things is when you are watching a game and the announcer goes on for like 15 minutes on how unhappy he is with the starters, then claims he likes the players that are starters, and then goes on to say that he doesn't even like the All-star game. Really? Then stop fucking complaining about the players on it.

Quite frankly I like having my favorite team's players get the recognition of being named to the All-star team but I'd really rather them not play in the game. Mostly because it's a nothing game that has nothing to do with the regular season or post season. All it does is prevent the players from getting a good couple days rest.

New Years

2009-01-04T10:59:00.002-05:00

Why is it that people celebrate a New Year? I mean really it's just an excuse to binge drink and quite frankly you shouldn't need a reason to do that, you just do it. People talk about how they get a fresh start with a new year but really, how much different can your life be with a one day difference. The onnly way this could happen is if you do something drastic New Years eve like knock up a girl, or put yourself in prison. But i suppose you do change your life for a week or two when you make your new years resolutions, which are abruptly abandoned shortly after.

Then there is the fact that the "New year" is a completely randomly picked day. Is there a point on the sun that when we pass that it becomes a new year? No. Some dude just decided that it should be January 1. Some countries used to celebrate New years on March 1 or September 1, then later changed to the "western" New year. The only thing a New year is good for is making me write down the wrong year for a month.

And while I'm at it, the months of the year (more specifically the last four) are named incorrectly. September (sept being 7) should be the 7th month, Oct means 8 but October is the 10th month. The reason for this? It's all Julius Ceasars fault, and i haven't found an explaination in the first 5 minutes of search so I'll just assume he was a complete fucking moron. But the Romans as a group are just as retarded be they wanted to name months after Julius Ceasar (July) and Augustus (august) and they found it to be nessicary to name the month that Julius Ceasar was born in as July. Then while changing these names, they ignored the fact that 4 months of the year are improperly named.

PS anyone know why Ceasar screwed up the naming?

Yes We Can

2008-12-17T20:33:00.002-05:00

Ever since a certain president elect came around we have all been subject to hearing the saying "Yes we can." And because of that saying being popular, companies have started using it as a way of advertising. For instance, the other day I saw a sign on a picture framing company that said something to the effect of "Yes we can frame holiday pictures." Seriously? do they think that this will work? How about the multiple ads on kijiji.com such as "Yes We Can!! Rates as Low as 5.00% 35 Year Amortization Today", or "BOB the Hauler - Can We Haul It ? Yes We Can !"

And then there is the TV commercial for Lastman's Bad Boy that starts with the announcer stating said phrase while showing an animated sign with that states "Yes we can" and both American and Canadian flags on them. This is retarded mainly because there are only 9 Lastman's Bad Boy furniture stores and they are all located in Ontario. If they wanted to align themselves with politics, why not just threaten to make a coalition with Sears to help defeat The Brick. Sears could be in charge of bed's while Bad boy takes the rest. This seemingly makes just as much fucking sense.

Please for the love of god, stop using this fucking saying, it's not clever, it's just about as clever as all the morons that continually use the same fucking movie quotes for months after the movie has been released.

Can we ask for all those who use that saying to commit mass suicide? Yes, we can.

Shopping Malls

2008-12-04T15:42:00.002-05:00

So it's Christmas time and that means having to go Christmas shopping; something I hate. I hate having to look for things, I hate having to avoid people asking me if I need help, I hate the other shoppers.

You see people have this tendency to have absolutely no fucking clue what is going on around them. They'll just stop in the middle of an area where people have to walk through. Thus causing others to take the long route and lets face it, some of us want to get out of there as soon as possible. And then there are the people who walk completely against the flow of "traffic". By that I mean that while everyone is walking on the right hand side of the hall, These douche bags walk on the left, which is OK if you are going two shops down, but not the whole fucking way down the mall forcing everyone to walk around them.

I have always hated when people ask me if I need help, mainly because if I needed help i would just ask someone like any reasonable person. Luckily this year i found a way around being asked said question. I just go into stores with my iPod headphones in, then even if they ask me, I don't hear them and don't give a fuck, but mostly they won't ask.

Then there are the people who are impossible to buy for. You have no clue what to get them, and they won't give you any ideas. Now you could just get them a gift card, but that just doesn't seem right when dealing with a family member. It's like saying, "I'm too lazy to get you a real present and i would just give you money but you'd probably spend it on crack." which in some families is probably the message they are trying to send. So instead i go buy something that seems like it will be useful but never gets used.

Also, today while at the mall, my desire to get out of their together with my fear of shopping malls resulted in me speed walking my way into a nice little stomach cramp. Did this slow me down at all? Hell no, I had to push through the pain and get out of there. I just kept telling myself breath in through the nose, out through the mouth.

50th post

2008-11-27T12:39:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile, and I've been debating whether or not it's necessary to to write this, but like I said it's been awhile. The thing that angers me hasn't really been a factor in a long time but ti's still something that bothers me. This topic is public toilets. Now you may be thinking that everyone hates public toilets and that this is not a good topic, but it's not toilet cleanliness that this is about. The reason for me hating them is more related to comfort.

As some of you may know, I have a hip that does not move (it's been fused due to breaking it at one point) so my leg is permanently angled slightly ahead of my pelvis. This means that when i sit i must slouch. When you slouch, it is generally much more comfortable to have something to lean up against as otherwise you have to rely on your stomach muscles to keep you upright.

Now here is where public toilets bother me, some of them don't have the tank at the back and instead have pipes and thus do not have something for me to lean up against. Basically what ends up happening is I end up having to lean up against piping which jabs into my back and also it's further back than a tank, so it's a super slouch. This with the added fact that it is a public toilet makes things pretty unsettling.

Then there is the auto-flushing mechanism. I am not a tall person and some of these sensors are fairly high up. How does this affect me? Well, I'll tell you. Basically, on these toilets the sensor is roughly at my neck level when i am sitting. This means that any slight movement from side to side causes the sensor to sense that i am no longer there and flush. That wouldn't be bad if they didn't shoot water out at an incredible pace causing toilet water to splash all over my ass.

There now you all know the mechanics of me sitting on a toilet.
Next week maybe we will talk about wiping techniques.

Dentist Trips

2008-11-06T21:52:00.003-05:00

I personally, am not a big fan of trips to the dentist. I have not been to the dentist in over 2 years now (mainly because i'm no longer covered) and quite frankly I don't care. This is mainly because every time I go to the dentist things change.

For instance, when I was younger each time I went to the dentist the Dental Hygienist would teach me how to brush my teeth. The only problem would be that every time it would change. How could this possibly be? Had there been substantial advances in brushing techniques throughout my childhood? I highly doubt that.

Then to add to the annoyance is the fact that the dental hygienist will clean your teeth, the whole time telling you how you don't do it right and at the end they will say something to the affect of “See how your gums are bleeding, that's because you don't floss properly.” To which, my response would be that no, my gums are bleeding because you are poking and scraping my gums with a sharp metal object. I mean seriously, I you were to poke any part of my body with a sharp metal object like that it would induce blood. When you poke holes into flesh, it tends to bleed.

Then there is the fact that the last 2 times I went to the dentist for a check up they have told me I should get an electric toothbrush. Which I actually did after the first checkup and had been using prior to the second one. So when she told me how the electric one would really help me I tried to tell her that I was using one, but she wouldn't take the fucking instruments out of my mouth to allow me to respond that I was using one.

Then there is the incident. The last time I was at the dentist office it was to have a cavity filled. I had had a few cavities filled before and thus knew what to expect. However, since the last time I had had a cavity filled the dentist had changed and this particular dentist changed which freezing was used. Now when I was given this freezing I fainted (well sort of, I was already sitting in the chair so it was more of just a passing out.) So then when I came to they wouldn't fill the cavity even though I continually told them I was OK and that they should just fill the fucking thing. Then they told me to go leave and that they wan't me to call them once while I was at work, and then that they would call me once I got home. I mean Jesus Christ, if I was good enough to drive, you would think that I was fine.

So anyways they went back and looked at my file and found out that I had done fine with this other freezing agent. So the next time I went in they used that and I was fine (so you can't attribute the fainting to nerves as to tell you the truth I was a lot more nervous the second time do to the first event.)

Now as if all this wasn't enough, now anytime I or one of my family members go into the place this is brought up as though they had never seen a person have a reaction to a medication. It's really fucking annoying.

New Facebook

2008-10-29T21:38:00.002-04:00

No, I'm am not writing a blog on how i hate the "new" facebook but rather i am writing a blog on how many retarded people there are that hate the new facebook. Yes, it is retarded to hate it. Why? because all they have done is make things simpler to navigate. Also, it's not the fact that you hate it that bugs me, it's the fact that you feel the need to create a group stating that you hate the new facebook. Right now go do a group search for the terms "new facebook" and you will find that there are over 500 groups devoted to hating the new facebook. Well actually i don't know that, but i assume it's true because almost every single group on the first three pages of that search is devoted to hating the new facebook.

The worst part about this is that when the next new facebook comes out, people will be outraged by the fact that they have to leave the current new facebook. Their lives as they know it will officially end. They may as well just kill themselves (this is preferable for me.) I swear to god these people are teh same people that make fun of people for not having the latest cell phone because it's cool to have the most technilogically advanced phone, even if they don't use 90% of the features....."Hey, look i have a blackberry because they are cool, but why the hell would i pay to have my email delivered to the phone?" Retarded. The whole purpose of those tings is to allow you to recieve your emails and other documents/internet from your phone. If you just wanted it to be your phone, you should have just bought a regular phone.

The other, more logical explaination as to who these people might be would be the people who absolutely resist new technology. They just recently gave up their typewriters because they couldn't find parts for them anymore and thus had to get a computer-a-ma-thingy. Now, having to look in a slightly different spot to creep on thier buddys sister is disheartening.

But this explaination is just too damn logical for these morons, and therefore I beleive they are more likely the first batch of people. They of the more retarded variety. And their group names are genrally wrong, such as stating that they are 5 million or 6 billion against the new facebook. Do they really think they will make a difference? do they think that Facebook but all this time and money into the new look only to get rid of it quickly because a couple of ass-munchers don't like it initially. They fact of the amtter is they know you will grow to like it and won't leave facebook for another site. They know that you are really just a bunch of cowardly douchebags. It is with this that i ask you to finally stand up to facebook and remove your account onyl to never come back. This way i will no longer have to read about how you goined a group stating that you hate the new facebook.

RETARDS.

Fog Lights

2008-10-19T20:30:00.003-04:00

Let me start off by saying that I never really thought that fog lights were a difficult concept. The time in which you are supposed to use them is in the fucking name. So if you drive with your fog lights on when it isn't foggy or snowing then you are an idiot. If for some god damn reason you use them when it isn't foggy or snowing while on a city road with street lights, then you are flat out retarded. Now you may think that using them does not hurt anyone, but you would be wrong. For one, the fog lights cause more glare for other drivers especially when the roads are wet. Then you can also add in the fact that it hurts the driver of the cars vision due to excessive foreground illumination.

So basically using your fog lights at the wrong time fucks with both you and the other drivers. According to the always right wikipedia, more people in North America use their fog lights inappropriately than the number of people who se them right. I attribute this to the fact that the majority of people are retards that have absolutely no clue what different features of their car are for.

STOP USING YOUR FUCKING FOG LIGHTS WHEN IT'S NOT FOGGY.

Grape Soda

2008-10-15T18:59:00.002-04:00

Today i was reminded of a tragic flaw associated with Grape pop. That being when you purchase a 2L bottle of it, it will explode on you for absolutely no reason. Thats right, when you attempt to open the bottle for the first time, it's is going to explode, there is no maybe or might in that sentence, it will definitely foam over. The worst part about this is that you almost always forget that it's going to happen because grape pop probably isn't something you buy all that often.

So as you might have gathered, today I bought a 2L bottle of grape pop and when i went to open it it exploded on me. This was particularly upsetting as it resulted in pop being sprayed into our fridge, onto our recently washed floors and onto our counters. If it was water I wouldn't have cared but since it's grape pop and becomes sticky once it dries, I then had to wipe all of it up and this delayed me in my quest to play some NHL 09. Can someone please create a new bottle that won't fucking explode when filled with grape pop?

Ridiculous Celebrations

2008-10-12T23:48:00.003-04:00

What bugs me today is the ridiculousness that is MLB. I mean these teams celebrate everything with champagne. If they win the division, wild card, divisional series, league series and then the world series. Now i have no problem with the players going crazy after winning the world series, and maybe even doing a bit of a celebration after winning the league finals, but seriously, the divisional series? just making the playoffs? And yes i realize that the baseball season is a long and "grinding" season and that only 8 teams of the 30 make the playoffs but that doesn't really matter. Do they think everyone is going to remember them for makng the playoffs? or are they just happy that they will get a little extra cash? Either way, it is ridiculous to all pile on top of each other on the field and then go spray champagne all over the dressing room.

And on another note, if you are going to spray champagne around during a celebration, don't wear goggles to protect your eyes, if you are really that happy you wouldn't care about a little stinging in your eyes. Also, you wouldn't look like a giant fucking pussy. Above is the Tampa Bay Rays celebrating making the playoffs, which really was a surprise but still it's not like they were the only ones that did this. Boston did the same fucking thing and they won the world series last year.

Driving in the Rain

2008-10-02T23:56:00.002-04:00

People need to learn how to drive in the rain. The reason for this is that as soon as there is the smallest amount of rain falling, a lot of people slow way down. First of all, your car does not have racing slicks on it, so your tires were created so that you can drive in the rain. You do not have to slow down for a small amount of water. I can understand you slowing down if it is pouring rain and you can hardly see, but otherwise go the same fucking speed you would if it was sunny out. By slowing down you actually endanger yourself as slow moving vehicles are just as dangerous as speeding vehicles. Oh and the same thing happens when some people see a single snow flake. Now it is true that technically the roads are a little more slippery at the very start of rain as the oil runoff from cars sits in cracks of the road unitl it rains and then surfaces and moves off to the side of the road. But seriously? how many people have you seen lose complete control simply due to a little rain. Changing your driving is only acceptable in this situation if you drive a pickup truck as their back ends tend to slid out during startups. If you do not drive a pickup, don't fucking slow down.

The Close Talker

2008-09-24T11:34:00.002-04:00

Thought I'd profile another one of my co-workers today, this being a new employee who was hired after the triumphant day when Bangledouchebag left. Just so people know, Bangledouchebag is now a masters student at U of Guelph studying chemistry. I expect to read about a sexual harassment charge in the newspaper any day now. Well either that or a murder where he is killed by his wife...one or the other. And do you think the guy has the nerve to attempt to look at She-male porn on a university office computer? I think he does.

Alright, back on to subject. So a couple of weeks back the company hired this guy on with the intent of gromming him to one day become a manager there. Basically he is a shop worker like me, being paid better money, on salary, who works the afternoon shift with me, but does absolutely nothing. basically, with the hiring of him, my already shitty work schedule of 3-11pm now sucks even more cause i have a guy who is sort of a manager, that just basically watches me. So while I used to hook my iPod up to the lab computer and listen to music and play freecell, spider solitaire and minesweeper (it's a long day) now all i can do is pace around the plant.

As you may have noticed from the title, this guy is also a close talker. But to make matters worse, he also talks really quietly, in an environment where you have to wear earplugs. So not only is he standing really close to you ( i tried to move once when he had me cornered and without moving 2 inches I my hand bumped him) but you can't hear a single fucking word he says. So basically, it's theis old guy standing really close to you just staring at you, but you are forced to nod your head to pretend like you can hear/give a flying fuck about what he is saying.

So far basically he has done the folowing things with the company:

started recording the parameters of the machine while they runs specific parts (me were already doing this to some extent)
slowed down production by 33%. Basically, he claims that we will get thread fill if we runs parts at the same weight as we had be running them at for 2 fucking years without problems.

Another thing he has done is piss me off (not exactly hard but he's done it.) One day i came in to work and as usual i talked to my boss, the Plant Manager, who tells me what work needs to be done this night. So i was standing there talking to him for 5-10 minutes and found out what needed to be done and then as soon as my boss leaves the close talker comes over and starts telling me what it is i have to do that night. I'm sitting there thinking, you obviously just watched me tlak to my boss and point at all the bins of parts we have to do, and then you come over here, invade my personal space and tell me the same shit. Fuck Off! The guy thinks he knows everything when really I'm told more than he is. Oh and by the way this puts the manager(I'm calling him a manger even though he has no power over me because my boss used the term afternoon manager) to factory employee ratio at 4:3. It reminds me of Office Space where he has multiple bosses telling him about TPS reports.

Emasculating

2008-09-23T13:22:00.002-04:00

Just a short one (but come on this is two in one day) to tell you that yesterday i felt very emasculated. On the drive to work i was passed by a school bus on the Hanlon which is avery odd feeling even if you are going 20 kph over the limit and the bus is going 30 kph over....the fact of the matter is i had to pull over into the right lane so that this bus could pass. Then on the way home, i was being tailgated by a fucking smart car. What the Fuck? Now granted i was boxed in by slow cars, but still....come on!!

Fantasy Football Week 3: I'm an IDIOT

2008-09-23T12:42:00.002-04:00

Well, week 3 is over and my team is holding up like the levees around New Orleans as I am now 0-3. This puts me on pace to be booted out of the league. This loss is particularly painful as I lost because i played the wrong players. For instance, one of my players, Ronnie Brown, scored a grand total of 38 points....the team i fielded scored 27. I lost by 40 points, so you might think that having Ronnie Brown replace say Thomas Jones (-1 point) would still leave me 1 point behind, but then when you factor in i also left TJ Houshmandzadeh (typed it without having to look it up) who scored 16 points on the bench instead of, well pretty much any one of my 4 WR\TEs who scored a grand total of 4 points combined i could have easily won this. But then again if my opponent fielded his optimal line-up he would have still beat me. Most of this is due to the fact that pretty much everyone in my starting line-up tanked it this week.

On to the whole Ronnie Brown bullshit. Can anyone seriously tell me they saw this coming? The guy had an average of 2.8 yards per carry before this game, and his oppenent has been very tough to run against ( I knew this going in as i had another one of my RBs play New England the week before.) So when on game day i got the newsbreaker that Brown would be starting the game and read the article, and it confirmed my suspicion that he would still be spliting the carries with Ricky "Douchebag" Williams i opted not to start him. Also, Miami ran a different offense against NE, which will now be expected by the next opposing team so when i start Brown the next time, he will surely go back to his 2.8 ypc average.

TJ Houshmandzadeh all of a sudden broke out as well, even after his entire offense looked god awful through the first two weeks of the season. So of course the week that i bench him he goes off.

Next week i play the Grim Reapers (1-2) who have scored roughly the same number of points as me, however i have a couple of players on bye week (the aforementioned Brown being one.) I am not feeling good about this.

Dallas vs Washinton.....4-0

Does anyone read this anymore? it seems as though the counter only goes up1 each time i visit to check for comments....which there are none.

Fantasy Football Week 2

2008-09-17T11:37:00.002-04:00

So it would appear that I've lost again. That puts me at a record of 0-2 for the season and while i still remain hopeful, as there are still another 11 weeks of regular season, I can't help but think that I am fucked. So far the problem with my team has been.......well everything but QB. So far this season i have received exactly one touchdown from the players other than my QB. That's fucking pathetic. part of that has to do with starting the wrong players, but even if i had started my best possible score for both weeks, i still would have gotten my ass kicked.

Part of this is due to the fact that my opponents have really just been good this year. For example, 156 points have been scored against me in the first two weeks. The next highest score is a 142 points, so i average 8 more points against than any other competitor. And while I personally have not put up the score to beat most people each week (I'm in 9th / 5th last in points at 106) it seems as though the people who are undefeated have also been extremely lucky as the 4 teams who have not lost have had 96, 97, 102 and 103 points scored against them.......even I have enough points to beat those scores.

Now on to the individual components of my team. First, is QB, no problems there, so I'll skip it and move on to RB. This was not a good week for my RBs, with Thomas Jones playing the Patriots, who just don't seem to allow a lot of running yards, so unfortunately after scoring 14 points in week one, he recorded a grand total of 3. Now you would think that that is awful, until you look at Ryan Grant who was playing a Lions defense that gave up over 200 yards the previous week. How many points did Ryan Grant get? 1!!!!!!!! Off 15 carries he got 20 yards..... fucking brutal. And then just to trow it in my face, he comes out after the game and says he wasn't running that hard because his hamstring is still sore. Well if it's sore enough that you aren't going to run hard, don't fucking play and I'll start Ronnie Brown who did score a touchdown but was sitting on my bench. On the Ronnie Brown watch this week, Tony Sparano has indicated for the second straight week that Brown will be more involved and at this pace he might get 15 carries by the end of the year, while Rickie Williams averages 1.5 yards per carry with like 200 carries.

I don't even really want to talk about my WR/TEs. I went into the season with 2 of the top 10 WRs. They have combined for a total of 7 points in two weeks...... Also, I've started the wrong one of my TEs both weeks, in fact my TE this week got me an amazing score of -1 points. I don't even know what to do here.

On the bright side i got to watch the Cowboys beat the Eagles on Monday night, and there was the added bonus of Roy Williams breaking his arm!!!!!!!

Next on to the Packers, who have Ryan Grant who i will start against my Cowboys simply because there is no Roy Williams so passing will be more difficult.

Fantasy Football Week 1

2008-09-09T11:47:00.003-04:00

This may turn into a frequent segment on the blog, but hopefully not as I will only post on fantasy football after the weeks in which I lose.

So I lost the first week, which normally isn't a big deal (I think i've lost the first week almost every year) but this year it was against my brother Andy. Making this lose even more painful was the fact that i traded him Willie Parker in the off-season and sure enough he goes on a fucking rampage and scores 3 fucking touchdowns......which is exactly one more touchdown than he gave me all of last fucking year. Now, if you had told me that Pittsburgh would score 38 points in week 1, I would have expected Parker to have racked up a few points, but i also would have expected my Santonio Holmes to at least score 1 fucking point. Instead, he caught 2 balls, for a grand total of 19 fucking yards. FUCK.

Then just to add to it, the Dallas Cowboys are so damn confident in their ability to runt he ball into the endzone that they didn't let the booth review a play that was clearly a Tony Romo throwing touchdown and instead quickly ran a running play to score anyways. Then later in the game, Matt's Felix Jones attempted to "block" a pass rusher (and instead got ran right the fuck over) thus causing Romo to rush a pass and get intercepted in the endzone.

Then we get to the monday night game. If you were the coach of Green Bay and your star running back was averaging 7.7 yards per carry over 12 carries would you give him the ball a bit more? I would, because I'm pretty sure you would get a 1st down every second play.

And on the same fucking note, why did Miami only run the abll a grand total of 16 times during their game? Do they not fucking know that they have Chad Pennington as thier quarterback. I mean i'm pretty sure Pennington could throw the ball straight forward with Ronnie Brown standing behind him and Brown would still outrun the pass. But congrats to Tony Sparano for giving Ricky Williams the ball 10 times with a nice average of 2.6 yars per carry. Fucking retard. Is this Nick Saban all over again for me? After words Tony Sparano said he could not "see a scenario where one back would get 25-30 carries, and the other just five." Now I wasn't a math major in university, but seeing as the team ran the ball a total of 16 times through thier running backs, I'm pretty sure that at that pace it will be damn near impossible for one back to get 20 carries let alone 25. But don't worry, it's not like you lost on eof the best running backs in the game last year. In fact you kept him, and have basically relagated him to the bnch in favour of someone that disserted your team a couple of years back and has played in something like a grand total of 5 games in the last 3 years. (and that might be generous, I guess they are going on the "he's well rested" theory)

Thankfully, at least the Cowboys won, and they get to kill Philly next week.

Olympics

2008-08-24T12:41:00.002-04:00

So the olympics have just ended so i thought i would do a blog on my problems with it. There are three main points i will bring up.

The first point is on the whole Micheal Phelps business. I hate Micheal Phelps. It's not really his fault i hate him, but the reasoning is because i think i've heard his name at least once every thirty seconds for the last two weeks. You would think that by not watching NBC and watching CBC i would be able to avoid at least some talk about him, but NO, they are probably almost as fucking bad as NBC. And then, when i turned to NBC on the day of his eighth gold medal, literally seconds after he won it, they ran a commercial for a commemorative dvd on "The greatest olympic athlete ever." Give em a fucking break. And then they villianize Ian Thorpe for saying that he didn't think there was any way that Phelps could do it before the games althoguh it was kind of funny watching Phelps' mother looking at Thorpe and showing him 8 fingers.

The second point is on the CBCs choice of which sport to show. Lets just say that i now for some ungodly reason know way too much about gymnastics as on three consecutive nights i went to watcha sporting event that included a Canadian, and was greeted with gymnatics. The first night there was a Canadian baseball game on, and the CBC was showing the the womens team all-around fianl, which included exactly zero Canadians. The next night they showed the mens individual all-around final instead of Canada-USA softball in which the Canadians were winning at one point when most people believed that they wouldn't get a hit. I ended up seeing the best ever finish by a Canadian in gymnastics though (like 15th or something like that.) And then guess what, the next night, GYMNASTICS.

The last point is on how Judges are so easily influenced. This usually occurs in events i don't consider to be sports as they are judged for a score. I have watched China win most of the Diving (they may have won them all) while making mistake after mistake, but since the crowd goes wild after every attempt, they get incredibly high scores (not that i really know the difference, but the announcers on both NBC and CBC both seemed to agree it was happening.)
There is also the fact that the Chinese divers couldn't make a splash if they did a belly flop. Then i just watched two boxing matches involving Chinese boxers including one where the Mongolian withdrew due to an "injured shoulder" to which he was examined by the ringside doctor and found to have not seperated or dislocated the shoulder. Now i know that there are other things that could have gone wrong, but eh fact that he has since refused medical attention makes me think that something fishy is going on here. The next fight was between a Chinese guy and an Irish guy, nwo the Irish guy dominated the fight and lost the match by 4 points. The members of the crowd that were not Chinese was booing quite loudly everytime the Irish guy was not awarded his points as well as when the Chinese guy got points for attempting a punch. Once again the announcers were outraged. thankfully the next fight the Chinese guy lost, but only really because he got knocked down and ended up quiting.

Eh fuck it, i've got a forth beef with something. Olympic wrestling, the scoring in this event is just retarded. Basically, each match includes three two minute bouts. In order to win the match you must win two of the three bouts. But here is the kicker, if you tie in a bout, they award the win of the bout to the person who got the last point. So basically the only wrestling match i watched, included a Canadian won tied both of his bouts 1-1, but in actuality lost both his bouts. How does this make any fucking sense? why can't they just go the three bouts and count the total number of points? Wouldn't that tell you who is the better wrestler? If you still tied after that, you could just go to sudden death. Yeah, some things just make no FUCKING sense. It's just like in hockey how some games are worth three points and others are worth two, but i'll leave that one for another post.

And by the way, this next week is Bangledouchebags last week at my work. I haven't had to work at the same time as him in like 4 weeks, but i still hate the guy, he purposely fucks me over at least 3 times a week.

Road Signs

2008-07-31T00:20:00.002-04:00

I'm back from vacation, but I wish I wasn't.

It's not really road signs that piss me off, but those damn election ones. Currently, Guelph is in a by-election which means millions of signs plastered everywhere around the city. That in it's self is annoying enough, but it's not the reason I'm writing this. The reason I'm writing it is because of the placement of the signs. It seems as though the candidates (or more likely their workers) don't give a rats ass if I can see oncoming traffic. All they care about is that I look at their sign that merely states their candidates name and the party they belong to. It pisses me off cause it seems every time i get to a red light and about to make a right hand turn, all I can see is this gigantic sign. Do they think that people wouldn't read their sign if they weren't stopped at a red light, cause for some reason they seem to concentrate the signs at intersections. I mean i don't know about everyone else, but i can read a name as i drive past it at 65km/h. It's not like they are displaying their platform on the signs, it's just someone i've never heard ofs name.

Now if I was voting in this election I think I would vote for the person who least causes the chances for me dying in a car accident. That would immediately knock both the liberal and conservative candidates out of the running. So far the green party would be winning but the NDPs are not far behind. The green party is probably winning cause they are hippies and were too lazy to get out there and put up signs before the other parties got all the good spots. The NDPs on the other hand just suck. (fucking unions) In fact, the NDPs are so awful at winning that they couldn't even win second prize in a beauty pageant while playing a game of monopoly (it was a long day at work and I had tons of time to think of incredibly lame jokes)

Does anyone know if the Green party signs are made of something of that paper? say Hemp? cause if not I shake my head (and wag my finger) at them.

Hanlon “Expressway”

2008-07-18T14:10:00.001-04:00

Can somebody please tell the city of Guelph what the fuck an expressway is supposed to be? I mean, this excuse of a road is such a piece of shit and I have to drive down it twice a fucking day.

First, it's not a fucking expressway, every intersection except one has street lights, and there is almost no fucking chance of going through two consecutive intersections without getting stuck at the fucking lights. And that is exactly what the problem is, the Guelph traffic people are clearly the same people who are downtown trying to find crack. They just like to watch the fucking colours change. Explain to me why you can't make it so that if you were to drive say 15-20km/h over the speed limit that they can't time the lights so that you don't have to stop at every intersection. It may be impossible to do it both ways but at least make it possible to do it going one of the two ways.

Or they could actually use the fucking sensors they have in the road so that the lights only change when necessary. For instance, and as usual this is purely hypothetical and not a situation that infuriated me, say someone wanted to turn left off the Hanlon onto Kortright at 1:30 in the morning. And let's just say that they are the only car on the road. Does it make sense that the lights go from green on the Hanlon (except for the left turn light) to red, and then they give the cars (which there are none) on Downie road an advanced green, and then both Kortright and Downie roads green lights, and then finally me…I mean the hypothetical person, the left turn signal. All this could have simply been changed to just turning the light red on northbound Hanlon traffic, and then turning on the left run light, but no, they make you wait 3 fucking minutes just to make you tempted to turn through the red light, at which point there would most likely be a cop hidden somewhere. And it's not like they don't have the sensors, as the light do have different patterns, just none that make any fucking sense.

By the way, I'm on vacation all next week, so I won't be writing a blog. I guess if I hadn't told you this you probably wouldn't have noticed anyways as I don't seem to be posting all that frequently.

Fantasy Sports

2008-07-15T19:33:00.001-04:00

Not a surly post at all

Recently I've grown more and more disinterested in the fantasy sports. Not necessarily all of them but most of them. One of the reasons that I've grown disinterested is the fact that often the seasons are too long and once you get a little behind you have lost all hope in winning. Also, I have a lack of patience in most cases; except for some reason I can sit and watch every Blue Jays game even with it being a slow game.

Since you can't really have a couple of bad weeks or you are out of the running, you can't really have any patience with a player, as you need players who are producing. For instance, last year in my hockey pool I had both Chris Drury and Scott Gomez (homer picks, I know) both of them had awful starts to the year and nobody in the league would make a reasonable trade for them, (reasonable being for a player I would keep on my team) so I eventually dropped Scott Gomez, and about 3 weeks later I really regretted it.

Once I've lost all hope in winning I pretty much just give up and look at the pool every once and a while to see if I had been offered trades or something like that. You might wonder why I would check to see if there were any trade offers if I've given up hope, and really I don't know, maybe it's because I like to evaluate players or maybe it's because I like to keep the league active for the people who do have a chance. In reality I probably make a ton of what would be considered shitty trades.

One of the ones that I'm not tired of is my fantasy football pool, as it still seems to be pretty awesome and is accessed on my computer year round. Other pools that keep me interested are the March Madness pool and the hockey playoffs pool. Both of these are rather short pools and thus I don't really have enough time to lose interest. The football pool is completely different from these two however but still has the ability to keep me entertained. This is because of the scoring system and the fact that it is a keeper pool. The fact that it is a keeper pool allows you to be patient with players you feel are going to be good players while the scoring system allows you the chance to stay competitive even after a shitty couple of weeks. You may wonder how this system allows you to be competitive even after a couple shitty week when the NFL season is only 17 weeks long (and the fantasy regular season only 13 weeks) which is relatively short compared to the other 3 major sports. The reason you can stay competitive is that for each week you either get a win, a lose, or a tie. Whereas in something like my hockey pools you end up with a record like (0-7-1) for the week or 200 points behind, which is tougher to make up for.

The football pool combines two different types of scoring methods that are used in my other pools. It uses a point number for certain achievements while also have those points only count for that week due to it being a match-up against another team. Also the keeper part of it means you get to keep a few members of your team, so if you have some young player who you want to let develop than you can keep them for the next year thus making you more interested in the players on your team and allowing you to keep your interest once your team has been eliminated.

You may be wondering what the hell this is all about as it seems like I'm just here to promote my fantasy football pool and while I'm sure Steve is thoroughly enjoying this and patting himself on the back, it's actually to gain interest in a keeper hockey pool I would like to start. You see I've been extremely bored at work lately and it's been extremely hot in the plant (even during night shift) so I've been spending a lot of time on the computer in my boss's air-conditioned shipping office on the computer.

So here is my proposal, which is up for discussion. Teams within the league would set their line-ups on a weekly basis, and therefore would have one line-up for the entire week. Owners would then be able to use players depending on strength of schedule and number of games that particular week. Points would be given for certain achievements such as goals, assists, +/-, saves, shutouts, etc. as well as would be rewarded for particularly good weeks, (say bonus points for something like a 5 goal week). Each week you would be within a match-up with another team and would be granted a win, lose or tie for each week.

Just based off my assumption that the NHL season is roughly 24-25 weeks long, I think a league consisting of 16 teams split into 2 divisions would wok well with the schedule having you play each team in your division twice and each team outside your division once for a total of 22 games. Plus a three round playoffs (can have a constellation playoffs too).

In inaugural draft would be a snake draft with the order randomly determined. All subsequent drafts would be in order of worst record to best (maybe with the champ going last).

A benefit of this type of league for those of you who have never been in one is that you can also trade future draft picks.

So anyways, if anyone is interested let me know and if we can get enough people we can open up a discussion and vote on certain rules, which we would do each year for league changes anyways.

Free Agency

2008-07-10T00:40:00.003-04:00

So this and the next post (which is actually already written and waiting so that I can spread them out) aren’t overly surly but fuck you, I don’t fucking care anymore, coming up with surly topics isn’t as easy as it seems unless you want like a two sentence piece of shit everyday about me being mildly upset that my bread isn’t fresh enough or something like that. I figure if I can get this up to roughly a post a week people should start to shut up and leave me alone.

I had just written roughly 200 words of a blog post when all of a sudden Microsoft Word froze up and crashed on me. And guess what, for the second time in two days, it did not recover any of my work. Can anyone explain to me why Microsoft products are basically just a large steaming pile of shit?

Anyways on with the actual topic, NHL free agency. The problem isn’t the actual NHL free agency period as a whole, I rather enjoy that, but the bullshit that comes along with it. The most annoying shit I think there is to deal with t this time is the bitching and moaning that goes on with respect to restricted free agents. This is mainly because some general managers go out and sign another teams restricted free agents to an offer sheet when for some bloody reason, this is taboo. Why for heavens sake would one GM go out and sign another teams RFA? Isn’t that against this GM moral code? For some reason yes, it does seem to be against some GM code that exists, assumingly because the NHL couldn’t’ get the real deal they wanted in a CBA. There is no other reason why this code would exist. Otherwise there would be all sorts of GMs going after RFA’s as a GMs sole purpose in life is to make their team better (regardless of what Toronto GMs have done). As a fan, I would expect my teams GM to do whatever possible to make my team closer to winning the Stanley Cup, even if it requires this method.

As the team who is having their player signed to an offer sheet, really you have almost no right to complain as you have the right to match that contract and keep the player. And if you think that the player will be making too much, then let him go and take the draft picks. Really, it’s your own choice. The only reason you are pissed is because your owners and the NHL commissioner fought so hard for this salary cap that now might be preventing you from matching a reasonable offer. So really, you were hoping to under pay a player because you didn’t budget for his salary.

Now I can understand the GM being upset about losing a player to another team. But do also get excessively angry when another team signs an unrestricted free agent that you were also going after, but they offered to money? No. So at least this way you get something in return.

And this just seems to be a problem in the NHL where signing a RFA can lead to a year long feud between two GMs who no longer like each other and take cheap shots at each other through the media to a point where the commissioner has to step in and tell them to stop bitching. In the NBA RFAs are frequently signed to offer sheets which the team who has the players rights cannot afford but this doesn’t lead to a huge war of words. Why? Because they for some reason better understand the concepts and realize that if they hadn’t spent so much on one player than they would have been able to match the contract. It’s the massive contracts to individual players that really is the problem, and I fear will soon be a problem for my favorite team…unless they get rid of the salary cap.

So anyways, the NHL GMs should just suck it up and quit whining about the others who are just using the rules that were agreed upon by their bosses when the CBA was made.

Oh yeah, and Eklund is gay, bloody flyers fans.

And also what possibly could be my favorite quote of all time now comes from Jaromir Jagr talking to a New York reporter after he signed in Russia (and don’t comment on this being greedy or you're an idiot) “And I also want to say to the people like Mike Milbury, who made their living by criticizing me all the time, that they can kiss my ass.”

Alright, go ahead and give me the one out of five I deserve now.

Fucking(1) Retard

2008-06-19T12:37:00.000-04:00

Let me warn you now, if you don’t like the use of the word “fuck”(2) you might as well stop reading now. While I’m writing this the angry has slightly dissipated from when I had planned to write it, which was right after I got home from work. But I didn’t get home until fucking(3) 2:15am. Why was I so fucking(4) late? Because I work with a man with a fucking(5) retardation so severe that I’m worried it may be contagious. Now you may be thinking, “Sweet another Bangladouchebag story”, but no this is Stoner Dad’s fucking(6) time to shine. Lately this fucking(7) asswipe has really been getting on my fucking(8) nerves, mainly because I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s my friend. Now this couldn’t be further from the fucking(9) truth, I hate this guy with a passion. He is one of those people that comes up to you and tries to have a fucking(10) conversation with you even though they have nothing fucking(11) intelligible to say. Take for instance the one day he said to me. “I think this game fixing stuff fro the NBA is really going to filter into the other sports.” Which is fucking(12) stupid on its own, but made even fucking(13) worse when followed up by this statement. “Except for hockey, I can’t see it getting into hockey.” What makes hockey so much fucking different from the other sports you fucking(14) retard? And this isn’t the worst of it, he has really taken to spoiling movies for me. So far he has ruined parts of two movies for me by basically telling me what happens in Don’t Mess with the Zohan and by telling me the ending of the Hulk.

This guy is a walking anti-pot advertisement as I’m sure if you made people talk to this fucking(15) retard and made it known that he smokes pot, then nobody would even try that shit for fear of becoming permanently retarded. This guys fucking(16) short term memory loss is outstanding. Usually when he is working the same machine as I am only the shift after me he will come in (an hour early and then sign in and just get paid to do absolutely nothing for the first hour) and ask me what parts still need to be done. I will tell him exactly what needs to be done, but that’s not fucking(17) enough. Five fucking(18) minutes later he will come up to me and ask “So what’s there left to do tonight?”…I don’t know you fucking(19) retard, how bout I go back in time five fucking(20) minutes to where I told you the first time and we’ll fucking(21) see. There is nothing in this world I hate more than being asked the same stupid fucking(22) question twice.

Now onto what this fucktard(23) did last night. We were working o these parts starting at 4:30pm and based off how quickly the parts were entering the machine we were going to be done around 1am, contrary to what the fucking(24) retard was trying to tell me which was 12am. But that fucking(25) retard is no fucking(26) mathematician, in fact, he is so fucking(27) stupid he shouldn’t be allowed to operate a fucking(28) butter knife. As the night went on he would constantly use optimistic terms like, “We are getting there” and “we’re so close” to which I would say in my head, and sometimes out loud “yeah fucking(29) right”. But here is the kicker, I already was pissed because I knew we were going to have to stay till 1am when our shift is supposed to end at fucking(30) 12am, but we had to add paint to the drums half way through the night. Now normally this wouldn’t add any real time to the day as it can be done in between different lots. But apparently I should have fucking(31) done it myself cause the fucking(32) retard managed to fuck(33) it up. He managed to put too much paint in both of the drums which mean that the larger drum hardly fucking(34) moved and now operated at half the fucking(35) speed it was operating at and secondly for the smaller drum, the basket that the parts are held in would still be dipped in the fucking(36) paint when the basket starts spinning at 325 fucking(37) rpm. The results? You guessed it…paint fucking(38) everywhere. Now I’m really fucking(39) angry. If any of you have seen me really angry it doesn’t normally involve a lot of talking but more so just looking incredibly pissed off, unless you say something really fucking(40) stupid to me. Possibly something to the effect of “Is it still moving slow?” two minutes after you filled it. I don’t know, is you nose still going to hurt 20 seconds after I fucking(41) break it? (for people who are wondering, Stoner dad is basically the same height as me, so it’s not unbelievable that I might be able to beat him up.) Never in my life have I uttered the words “fuck”(42) and “retard” under my breathe. The problem is that due to his incompetent math skills he thinks that if you put a lot of pain in the drums you can put more parts in the basket and thus get them through the machine faster. But when you add too much fucking(43) paint as this guy does every fucking(44) time (no this isn’t the first time this has happened) then you are only doing 3 baskets in the time you used to do 4.

So eventually he stops the machine and takes some paint out of the large drum to make it go faster, but this is after doing roughly a fucking(45) hours worth of damage. And the fucking retard tried to justify it by saying things like “That’s not too bad, I’ve seen worse.” I don’t fucking care if you’ve seen worse, a fucking(46) five year old could figure out how high to fill the paint. Fuck((47) even the new guy knows you don’t go past 22 inches from the top, and doesn’t really speak English.

Well I can’t remember what else I had to say about this fucking(48) retard, but I have to fucking(49) work with him again tonight. So maybe tune in tomorrow for more retardedness. There and the count on the word fuck(50) is a nice even fifty in just over a thousand words.

Cambridge

2008-06-06T19:53:00.001-04:00

Today I had an interview in the birthplace of the greatest hockey player ever, which meant I had to drive through Cambridge twice. Now going into the day I had no real hatred or thoughts on the city but my god what an awful place.

Let me start by saying that I didn't really notice it until the second time I went through it because the first time was early in the morning and there weren't many people or cars around. But then after a three and a half hour interview/quiz/plant tour (the last two items took up 3 hours on their own and I was not informed of before hand). The first angering moment in Cambridge occurred when I realized that every fucking person in the city drives right at the fucking speed limit, and since I had told my boss I wouldn't be at work until around 11 or 12 and I didn't get out of the interview till 12:30, I was in a bit of a rush.

Another point is that the people of Cambridge are ugly. That's right, ugly. Now if I, like my dad, believed that ever single person who lives in Cambridge is Portuguese this statement would be a bit racist, but I don't. I just don't remember seeing a single attractive person the whole time I was there. And have you ever been to downtown Cambridge (it might have been downtown Galt or possibly somewhere in Eastern Europe, I really have no fucking clue). What a shit hole. This place might as well be a fucking ghost town cause the people I saw down there might as well be dead. I mean you could drop an atomic bomb in the middle of this place and you wouldn't be able to tell the fucking difference. Never in my life have I seen so many shirtless/sleeveless people just hanging around doing nothing on a weekday.

This post fucking sucks. You know what really pisses me off...the fact that I am having trouble thinking of new things to post about. I mean I've gone through most of my life being at least mildly angry at something but it seems like they must be recurring angering moments because I have almost nothing to write about. And obviously based on the shittactular post made above, they fucking suck, all about crappy cities I may pass through once a year even though it pretty much connects to my hometown. How about I just completely mail it in and start complaining about the heat or the way nobody really does anything anymore. I think I went out too strong by making 17 posts in the first full month of the blog and then following that with months of 4, 2, and 3 posts. I sure once fanatasy football begins I will have lots to complain about, such as Ricky fucking Williams stealing carries from Ronnie "hurt my knee tackling someone because my crappy fucking quarterback threw yet another pick…why did we draft Ted Ginn again?" Brown. Also, once I get a chance to watch a few more baseball games, there will undoubtedly be a post on Jamie Campbell, but I doubt most of you wil care since I seem to be the only one who watches baseball games anymore.

I suppose now is the time to lift my ban on attempting to anger me, but don't make it too obvious or it won't anger me as much.

Shocking……well not really

2008-05-21T18:22:00.004-04:00

Alright, so I guess I will start off by answering the trivia question that most people have probably already forgotten about. It was the pot smoking father of four that made the comment, about Bangadouchebag, and he said it to the british plant manager. I'm sure most of you are surprised to hear that the Pakistan hating AfganistAndy was not involved at all.

I also realized I forgot to add in Bangladouchebag's other possible nickname based on what the old Italian guy said about him which would allow me to call him Bangla-dudes. This topic will come up again in the main portion of this post.

When I went back to the current company I am working for, the internet in the lab was not working, which was rather bothersome to me as the first time I worked there I had a way too much free time and would have to resort to surfing the net. So I found a way to fix it. What I was unaware of (although I could have guessed) was that the manager had had it shut off for a reason. This being that Bangladouchbag (I still like this nickname best) had been abusing the use of the internet. When I found this out I still kept the computer in a way that I could easily turn the internet back on so that I could us it while not allowing him to. I also told the pot smoking father of four how to get it. Now this was the start of my error, as he tends to forget shit and thus forgot to turn the internet off. Bangladouchebag went on the internet this past weekend and I am going to share the contents of the browser history with you from Monday May 19.

Now you might ask how I know that it was in fact him who looked at these sites, and not the pot smoking…(fuck he needs a shorter nickname…how about Donnie.) Well, I find it safe to assume it was him because there are various websites listed here that are in arabic or some other language I cannot read with Arabic looking symbols (I'm too lazy to find out what language is used in Bangladesh.) Then you might ask how I know that Bangladouchebag didn't just look at the Arabic news sites, as maybe they both spent time on the computer. Well I think the listing of "Indianpornpass.com" explains enough based on Donnie's Paki comment.

Now for the major areas of concern and the reason I am writing this, the notion that Bangladouchebag might be gay or at least bi-sexual or in the least, one fucked up human being. If you would kindly direct your attention to the folder thingy entitled "pinkworld.com" that I have opened to show you the contents. Now look at the last entry…"Shemale Sex Archive Galleries"…WHAT THE FUCK. Also, look at the entry under "skinporngalls.com" with some videos that are apparently clips from a "Shemale DVD". And to add on to that, I forgot to open the google folder but it's contents including a search for "Gay Sex."

After all of this I have come to the conclusion that this is one very disturbed individual I am dealing with here and that he may have to receive a new nickname that would be "Bangla-dudes-that-look-like-chicks". I mean come on buddy, if you are going to look at porn, let alone gay/shemale porn at work, at least delete the history or something. After I found this out I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw him.

My god do I ever need to get a new job and get away from this place.

I realize this isn't really a surly post, but i just felt that something had to be said.

Another Days Work

2008-05-06T22:23:00.004-04:00

Today you will get a further introduction to the guy at my work who i wrote about earlier who grabs shirts and grabs you when he talks. He is originally from Bangladesh and i can't understand a fucking word he says.....he is also a douche bag, so from now on he will be known and Bangladouchebag.

Today he was really pissing me off because he is the laziest fucking prick ever, although he makes it look like he is constantly doing something. But the worst part is he will act like he is doing something and then ask the boss to get me to do the bitch work because he is too busy. In reality, he just doesn't want to do it and he knows i won't listen/understand him if he just asks me to do it. So today I got asked to wipe the oil out of something like 60 metal bins, which happens to be the most unpleasant thing to do at this place and he managed to make it worse. I was just working along doing things in my own little order when he comes along with the forklift and starts moving the bins around so that it would make it easier for me to do them all, but what he didn't realize is that he moved half of them from a comfortable waist level to a painful foot level. So i spent the next hour and a half bent over metal bins wiping up oil. (insert your own fucking being bet over joke here you fucking tools) Even when I would ask him to move specific bins so that i could work more easily he refused....I wanted to punch him in the fucking face. Then later, after I have finished i go down to the end where he is working and he immediately decides to go on "break" where he hops in his car and disappears for 45 minutes. (and is still getting paid) When he gets back, he immediately goes for lunch; all the while I am operating his machine for him.

Later in the day though I was cheered up by this old guy who drops parts off at the plant for processing who came to me and said referring to Bangladouchebag "You watch out for him, He likes Boys" to which i started laughing as i assumed the guy was joking based on the fact that Bangladouchebag was a mere 5 feet away from him. (although it is a noisy place) But then after i laughed he said, with a straight face "No seriously. He's Faggot. I'm telling you." While this wasn't meant as a joke I couldn't help but laugh, not only at the comment but the fact that it was unexpected that someone who doesn't work there also hates Bangladouchebag. (and trust me, this guy is old enough that you can assume he hates all gay people)

Now onto the trivia part of the blog. The following phrase was uttered at work last week. "I need to be on a different shift so i don't have to work with the Paki anymore" Answer the following questions 1) Who made the comment? 2) Who was he talking to at the time? and 3) Who was he talking about when he said Paki?
a) The Englishman Plant Manager whose last name is pronounced differently than the unfortunate (for him) spelling (Cockburn)
b) The guy with 4 kids who doesn't have a car but can afford to smoke pot constantly.
c)Bangladouchebag
d) AfganistAndy, (the Afghanistan version of my brother in that he is stubborn towards how to do something which is the reason me and Andy don't really work together well) who hates Pakistan and anyone from there.
e) Me

I'll give the answers in the next post, whenever that may be.

Fucking Bullshit

2008-05-05T01:57:00.003-04:00

It's been a frustrating period of time of late what with having my New York Rangers "lose" to the Pittsburgh Penguins. The reason for the quotation marks is because of the fact that they outplayed Pittsburgh for the most part.... until you factor in that the refs where apparently members of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Game after game did i watch the Penguins who apparently have been training with Alexander Despatie and Emile Haymens (for you retards, they are Olympic divers) draw penalties because they got touched. The worst part about it is going to TSN.ca after games and seeing the fan comments on how Cindy Crysby wasn't diving, he was "selling the call".....fucking douche bags.....and then to show that they aren't biased at all, finishing off their comment with "GO PENS!!!"

If there is one thing i can't stand anymore it's Pens fans...mainly because they are only Pens fans due to a huge man crush on Cindy Crysby. Oh and by the way, i used to like Cindy Crysby, but after watching him for 5 straight games I've come to realize he is nothing but a pansy ass bitch with a child molester mustache. That stache gives a whole new meaning to the Timbits hockey commercials where he is playing with young boys.

The refs gave away the first 2 games of the series to the Pens by giving the Pens two brutal power plays that resulted in game winning goals... and then in the second game, the refs blew it again by blowing the whistle as the puck was rolling into the net for the rangers, which would have tied the game. The third game the rangers just got outplayed...and i can admitted that. The last game of the series though was just fucking brutal. of the rangers 5 penalties in the first two periods, 4 of them should have been penalties mainly because they just weren't penalties but once also because the play should have been dead due to it being offside.

Also in that time span, Chris Drury got highsticked in the face which cut him open for 15 stitches and there was no fucking penalty. Once again moronic Pens fans would claim that it wasn't a penalty because a ranger bumped Malone and that caused him to highstick Drury. To this I say "You are a fucking retard....listen to yourself....i surprised you can type with Cindy Crysby's dick in your mouth" My reasoning being, it doesn't matter if he got bumped, you have to be in control of your stick. I could bodycheck you and as you are falling to the ground if your stick came up and hit one of my players int he face it is still a penalty on you.....What's your reasoning now.......was it a follow through of a shot?...Fuck Off. Guess what happened almost immediately after this happened...the rangers got a penalty and the Pens scored on it. The the Pens had ten players on the ice...didn't get called for too many men....and the rangers got a penalty....the refs stop the play to call a penalty on the pens, but Cindy Crysby jumps off the bench goes and talks to the ref and for some reason he changes his mind. I can only imagine the Crysby said something like this (imagine the girliest/whiniest voice ever) "Ref, that can't be a penalty, I'm Cindy.....I'm mean Sidney Crosby"............See a common trend in the reffing here?

Then comes the third period. The Rangers are dominating the Pens....they score two goals to tied up the game and are still pressing. The Refs seem to have put the whistles away because Jagr has just been bear hugged by Hal Gill and he doesn't get a holding call. Several other instances go by where the Pens don't get called for penalties and then it happens. Chris Drury is falling and attempts to swat a puck away. While he is on his stomach, his stick rides up Malone's (the same guy who high sticked Drury) stick and hits Malone in the face (which for some reason he had below the crossbar) and nicks him....i mean I've seen more blood from a shaving wound. Guess what happened....the refs found their fucking whistles again and its a four minute penalty which carries over into overtime and saps the Rangers of their momentum which they never regain and the Pittsburgh scores in overtime to win it and finish the series.

In conclusion, Crysby Sucks, penguins suck, Go Philly and Dallas 9hopefully Dallas will still be in it, they were going in the 4th overtime so i gave up watching it and came and wrote this instead).

Oh, and I've been wondering if all the penguins fans are also Cleveland Cavaliers fans....fucking band wagoners.

Not a child: Part 2

2008-04-24T23:58:00.002-04:00

So today that stupid bitch who was telling me how to get tape for roughly 5 minutes really got on my nerves. I went and got some tape from the other end of the warehouse and when i got back she literally said "YAAAAA, good job Josh!!" And the tone of voice made it sound like i was a 2 year old who had just taken his first piss in a toilet. I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, but i bit my tongue as i knew I only had one day left there.

At my other job, there is this guy who is sort of a close talker and will grab your arm or shirt, and it really fucking creeps me out. In fact at one point i muttered "Stop fucking touching me." and squirmed away from him. He didn't hear it as it is quite loud in the this place. Then there is a another dude who was supposed to work at 10pm to take over for me and he was an hour and half late, and the bastard never even fucking said sorry. He sort of made it sound like he did it on purpose. I can't count the number of times i said "Fuck" or "Bastard" on the way home.

Today's odd products from Puresource include a pamphlet for a "counter display for Baby Beaver" as well as a product called TestoJack 100 which has the benefits of:

Male Performance Formula
Increases Virility
Supports Healthy Testosterone*
Vegetarian Formula

Which one of these just doesn't belong?

Not a child

2008-04-08T22:59:00.003-04:00

So for those of you who don't know, I have been working at a temporary job for the past couple of weeks which both through being tired from that and me being lazy and mostly out of ideas has resulted in this blog being untouched for quite a while. That being said i felt i had to write this article about the job.

So basically my job is being a packer and could be done by a retard as it is mind numbingly repetitive. Basically all you have to do is put small boxes and other objects into larger boxes....also sometimes you must build the bigger boxes. The most frustrating part about the job is that the entire department is old women and is has apparently been that way for a while as people who don't work in the department will walk up to our area and say things like "How's is going ladies?" or "Break time ladies". It is at this point where i give my head a quick shake, bite my tongue and continue on and pretend it didn't happen. But then the person or someone else will point out that I am there too. It gets a little annoying as it constantly reminds me that i am the only dude working in that section....Fuck there are even signs put up in the area that say things like "ladies you must weigh everything" that i must painfully walk by multiple times a day.

The thing that gets to the me the most though is due to the fact that i work with old ladies that talk to me like I'm either a) a little kid or b) a retard of which i am neither. The one lady will tell me to do the most meaningless and unimportant thing to do and then continue to explain how to do it and why you should do it. The other day i had lazily picked up a roll of tape from a bench so that i didn't have to walk to the other end of the warehouse to get a new roll. She saw me and told me to go get a package of 12 of them. I immediately turned to go and do so as i don't like talking to this person. But she continued to explain why i should do this as i was walking away, but as i got out of earshot, she stopped. Then when i got back from the other end of the warehouse, she continued to explain why i should go get 12 rolls of tape instead of just the one fucking roll I needed. Thank god this is only supposed to be a 2-3 week job.

On a side note i will be growing a playoff beard for the duration of the time that the New York Rangers are in the playoffs and will be taking pictures to show the lack of progress.

I may also start to make short posts on the ridiculous products that this company sells, such as today's favorite, Hemp protein powder.

Disrespect

2008-03-17T16:17:00.001-04:00

Last weekend I played in the Senior Provincials for water polo and for the first time ever I was ejected from a water polo game. The reason for this ejection was disrespecting the official and while what I did is technically a valid reason to eject someone; it was completely random based on everything else that happened in the game. I received this ejection for shaking my head in disapproval of a non-call, which is probably something that I do in just about every game. (probably more so than I realize) The game happened to be refereed by who I considered to be the two worst refs (Sasko and Martin) at the tournament, one of which is quite possibly the worst ref in the province or country (Martin). It was incredibly surprising to have received the disrespect as I'm pretty sure that Sasko, who kicked me out, hadn't yet blown his whistle once in the entire first half. He had actually warned us in the first half that after a penalty we were not allowed to touch the lane ropes upon re-entry into the pool, which is mostly ridiculous because it wasn't even a setup up lane rope, just one floating randomly. So basically we were playing FINA rules on penalty re-entry but no-rules anywhere else with this ref.

Martin was refereeing the game like as if we were 13 year olds and completely ignoring that there was another ref who could make his own fucking calls when they happened directly in front of him. In fact this is where I got confused as to why I got a disrespect and nobody else did. One of our players came into our team meeting between quarters and with Martin walking right behind the bench said "This is fucking bush league"…and then continued on to saying that we are playing FINA rules on penalty re-entry and Bantam (under 14) rules in the center position. Then later someone on the team threw both their hands up into the air while looking at the ref and also got nothing. Martin later proceeded to give the other team a penalty shot apparently for forcing the other team to sink the ball on a breakaway.

Maybe the most disappointing part of this whole ordeal is my lack of wittiness. Since being kicked out I have thought of multiple things I would have liked to have said but it was much too late. All that I could think of was to tell him that if he'd made his own fucking calls instead of letting Martin call everything we wouldn't have this problem. Really I was angrier at Martin for making the bullshit call that lead to my disproval but Sasko was much closer and was easier for me to shake my head at because a proper shaking of the head can only be done with the role of the eyes and Martin was way too far away to see my eyes.

Glenn Healey

2008-03-11T16:31:00.002-04:00

So I've been running low on topics to write about lately as the New York Rangers have been winning (I may be focusing on things that annoy me too much these days as I probably could have easily wrote something on how I had to watch 2 straight Rangers-Islanders games with the Islanders announcers) so I thought I'd continue on with my hatred for certain TSN personalities. Today it will be Glenn Healey. I truly wish that the Toronto Maple Leafs hired this fucking retard to be their GM. Not only so that I won't have to watch him on TSN anymore, but also because he is an idiot and might actually have the capability to make the Leafs worse. (It would be an amazing accomplishment)

I am embarrassed that this tool received a Stanley Cup Ring for sitting on the bench of the New York Rangers and wish they find a way to strip him of his ring. Maybe introduce a "no douche-bags" rule. He often brings up the Rangers Stanley Cup drive as if he was a major component, when really if he didn't mention it every fucking ten minutes, nobody would remember he was even there.

I haven't even brought up the fact that he was a shitty goalie as evidenced by a record of 166-190-47 with a save percentage of .887. He also wore one of those gay goalie masks that Dominic Hasek and Tim Thomas wear. What a tool.

Now onto his TV work. Brutal. That about sums it up. He is another guy that basically everyone I know hates but somehow manages to retain his job. He sometimes does this segment during games called the Nessie Award (cause you know, he's Scottish, plays the bagpipes, yep, he wears a man skirt and blows pipes) to the player "that you've heard of, but haven't seen" given to someone who has not had a good game. This somewhat resembles his entire playing career except for the part where you've heard of the player. I guess it's hard to claim someone has had a bad game when all they do is sit on their ass at the end of a bench however he probably even sucked at opening the gate to let players in and out. I wish I had never fucking heard or seen him.

I could probably go on talking about certain other hockey personalities to make more posts (Derek Roy, Jaroslav Spacek, Rick Dipeitro and others) but I have a feeling that with the march madness tourney (which will undoubtedly launch me into several profanity laced tirads) and baseball season coming, I should have more ammunition.

Also if anyone wants to join my free March Madness pool send me an email or leave your email address in the comments or something.

Job Search

2008-03-06T14:37:00.001-05:00

As most of you probably know, I am lacking on the employment front and this blog goes out to all the douche bags I've had the pleasure of talking to throughout this process. There are two main areas of concern here including people who tell you they will be in contact with you and employment agencies.

We'll deal with the employment agencies first. It seems as though something like 99% of all the job postings online are through placement agencies these days. I have applied to roughly 30 jobs over the past three days and almost all of them are through the placement agencies "ATS Reliance Group", "Aerotek" and "Ian Martin". This is really fucking annoying because it prevents you from being able to personalize your resume/cover letter to the company that you are applying for as they don't tell you what company the job is for. Then there is the fact that they are going to supply their clients with the resumes with the most experience because they don't want to take a chance on someone without a track record as this may mean the company might not hire them to find potential employees again. Only once has one of these companies called me after I applied to one of their postings…and then the same tool who called me made it into the next paragraph of this post.

This is by far one of the more annoying things in the world right now to me. When someone says that no matter what the case is they will contact you to let you know. 95% of the time they are straight out lying. Fuck the placement agency guy asked me where I would like to work and I said preferably in southern Ontario. He then asked me about Sudbury to which I said I would be willing to do that. He then told me he would email me the job posting for me to look over and then I should let him know what I thought...I never received a fucking email. Fuck it's not like once he sent me the email it would be giving me a job offer that he couldn't back out of, he just chose not to. It's like as if he was hoping I would say "no, I'm not interested in Sudbury" and then he wouldn't have to worry about it. But I called his bluff and panicked.

Then there are the people who in an interview tell you they will call you either way at the end of an interview and you never hear from again. I would be a lot less pissed off if you just told me that you would call me if I was moving on to the next step, but instead they choose to treat me like some psychopath who will run around kicking people in the nuts unless I'm told I will be called. Fuck, if you don't want to call after you've told me you will, send me a fucking email…anything. Nothing but a bunch of lying fucking crack whores. (Unger I'm sure you are familiar with this type of people based on your living accommodations)

Fucking job search.

On a side note, if Bell where to leave a brand new phone book on your front steps and you were to not see it and slip on it and hurt yourself, could you sue? Not that I slipped, but I definitely stepped on it…and for a brief second I was close to average height.

Signing In

2008-03-03T00:08:00.001-05:00

To those of you who are constantly have that damn little box show up in the bottom right corner of my computer to tell me that you are signing in…Fix your fucking messenger/internet connection! Yeah that’s right; I hate it when the same person is constantly signing in on msn bringing up that damn message and not only because it’s fucking annoying, but because it affects my ability to play Spider Solitaire.

With my seemingly infinite amount of free time, I tend to get a little bored and sit at the computer playing FreeCell and spider solitaire. When these bastards are constantly signing in, it pops up directly above the deck of cards in spider solitaire that allows me to deal out another row thus delaying me for a minimal amount of time and also distracting me in mid thought process and then I forget the “brilliant” plan I had to win the game.

Some of you may remind me that I could turn these alerts off and then I wouldn’t have to worry about it, but then how would I know when someone who isn’t a complete tool was online. Now in an attempt to get the person to fix this bullshit (however I don’t know if they read this post, in fact I doubt they do) I will list the person who made me think of this:

Craig “Ginge” Norek

As you may notice from the nickname, Craig is in fact a Ginger Kid. You can tell he is a loser because he cheers for the San Jose Sharks and lists Jonathan fucking Cheechoo as his favorite player. That’s right his favorite player is someone who is only any good because he plays with Joe Thornton. Not only are the sharks his favorite team, he lists their record in his msn name…does he have nothing important or interesting to put there? Most likely. Also, he constantly has is phone number posted in a lame attempt to get someone to call him. I’m sure he had an orgasm when fellow Ginger Kid Brian Campbell got traded to his San Jose Sharts (A shart is when you go to fart but instead shit yourself) (Also, I realize that that wasn’t funny)

Fuck there he goes again.

This is a warning to those of you that if your computer is constantly signing in and out that you to may be made fun of in a public place so fix your fucking computer.

It's snowing again

2008-02-29T18:23:00.002-05:00

Who the fuck bikes in a snow storm? On my way to go get some food tonight I saw two tools biking in this shit storm and was thinking to myself “Hey asshole I don’t really want to hit you with my car…not because I wouldn’t enjoy it (I would you fucking tool) but because it wouldn’t be good for the driving record. Think about it, you are in the middle of the street, on a fucking bike, in the middle of a fucking snow storm, wake the fuck up you fucking retard.” Where are these stupid fucking tools coming from, because if they are from the university, which I’m pretty sure they are, then someone should remind them that they have a fucking bus pass and don’t need to ride their fucking bikes. If you can’t bike 2 feet without putting your feet down, this might be a good sign that you should start walking.

The first guy on a bike I saw was on my street as I was leaving. This guy could hardly move in the snow and did eventually realize that he might as well walk, but for some reason, he waved at me as though he was thanking me for something. What he was thanking me for I don’t know, because I was sincerely hoping he would fall completely over so I could run him over and claim it was too slippery to stop.

The second guy was actually moving along on his bike without tipping but since I had already seen the other guy not do so well I was tentative as I attempted to go around him. I mean if you want to die, just lay in the middle of the road and I’ll use you for traction you fucking ass clown.

I can’t stand these morons that bike in the snow. (I think I told this upcoming story in the sidewalk etiquette post but it fucking annoys me so I’m telling it again) When I was in university this guy was biking on the sidewalk in a spot where the sidewalk was all of 2 feet wide and you would be pushing it to fit two waking people by let alone a regular person and a moron on a bike. So when the guy went to go past me I refused to move and he fell into the snow bank. At this point I probably should have kicked snow in his face as maybe then he would have learned his lesson, but I didn’t think of it at the time.

This may have all angered me more so than normal because once I got back from getting food, I then parked to close to the edge of my laneway and subsequently fell into the snow and was thus very cold.

FUCKING BIKES.

Pierre McGuire

2008-02-27T14:37:00.008-05:00

I had been holding off on making this post until the next Rangers game was on TSN but as it turns out I’ve been lacking in things that anger me lately, and the next Rangers game on TSN isn’t until March 30^th so I’ll write this one now. Pierre McGuire has got to be one of the biggest tools in the world. He thins he is king shit of hockey knowledge but really he is just plain old shit. He is like one of those people that can’t control the volume level of his voice, but he doesn’t actually have that problem, I think he is so fucking stupid he forgets that he is wearing a microphone. You would think the people of TSN would realize that he is yelling as well and turn down his microphone, or better yet turn it off and kick him in the nuts. Actually I might want the microphone on when they kick him in the nuts. I would take great pleasure in hearing the pain I assume he would be in. (assume because I am assuming he has nuts)

Not only is this guy annoying as fuck, he seems to be everywhere, almost unavoidable if you wish to watch a hockey game. Much like Mike Milbury, who by now you all know my thoughts on, McGuire is on three broadcast teams as well as doing the World Junior Championship. This allows him enough time to use his favorite phrases such as calling players a “monster”, “Human eraser” and everyone’s favorite talking about players going “roof daddy”. Roof daddy? Who the fuck does he think he is, making up terms like this bullshit. I’d accept “top shelf” but certainly not “roof daddy”. What a fucking douche.

Also, I’m pretty sure he and Mike Milbury went to the same broadcasting school where they gave out the book on what to say about players in 2003-04 and have used these one liners constantly no matter whether they are true or not anymore. He was also one of the ones that say Jaromir Jagr does not care and is not trying. How do these people prepare for a broadcast, by stroking each others “egos” in the dressing rooms? Maybe that’s why McGuire wears glasses….for eye protection.

The worst part is I don’t know anyone who likes Pierre McGuire but for some reason TSN continues to employ him. Can the management not read?…because it’s all over the fucking internet. After a quick search of the groups on Facebook I found 146 groups related to Pierre McGuire about 95% of which are titled something like “I fucking hate Pierre McGuire” or “PIERRE MCGUIRE= GIANT DOUCHE”. These sites also provided me with numerous comical pictures.

Also he may be the devil.

Advanced Green

2008-02-24T22:18:00.002-05:00

This goes out to those of you who can't fucking drive....and if you drive a Toyota then this most likely means you. (just for informational purposes, I don't mean Asians, I'm talking almost anyone who drives a Toyota) The other day i was driving home from my parents and when I got to a point where I had to turn left I found myself behind 3 cars at a red light. Eventually the light turned and we got that handy little green light with a green arrow pointing left below it. Now under normal circumstances we would be able to get 4 or 5 cars through before the arrow turned yellow. But NO, this fucking tool refused to go until the last moment. Therefore significantly less cars made it through.

So just in case anyone was wondering, when that little green arrow is pointing left (shown above), not only are you allowed to go, you are supposed to fucking go. By not going you are actually fucking up traffic. That's right i blame you for traffic jams because you sir or madame are a fucking moron. Actually, to call you a moron might be a compliment because it implies that you would score in the section above the mentally disabled. (or retarded as they were called when the term moron was invented) You only cost me roughly 10 seconds but i still hate your fucking guts, I purposely drove too fast down Kortright just to give you the finger as you were the second person in a Toyota to do this to me in one drive home. And I only make 2 left turns where there is the possibility of getting an advance green.

Small World

2008-02-22T14:59:00.000-05:00

While watching, and it pains me to say this, Jay Leno last night, I was reminded of a traumatic childhood experience that may actually explain the great deal of hatred for the Trews. Basically the experience had to do with hearing the same tune over and over again. How did this traumatic experience occur? Well it all started in Orlando, Florida at Disneyworld. My younger siblings wanted to go on the “It’s A Small World” ride and for some fucking reason I got dragged along. This ride is annoying in it’s self. There is nothing really all that entertaining about hearing the same fucking song over and over again while puppets of different colour mouth the word and dance around. They should call the fucking ride “The Orphanage” because there certainly aren’t any fucking parents. But then if you add in the fact that the ride was not it top form and got stuck, and you have one traumatized and angry Josh.

So last night I was …ugh, watching Leno and Heidi Klum was on it and she was saying how she and her family, including her husband Seal go to Disneyland every other weekend and that Seal’s favorite ride is It’s a Small World. At first I thought it would be unbelievable that a grown man would like that fucking torture test but then I remembered that he himself was an awful musician. But anyways after they mentioned the aforementioned ride, they proceeded to start to sing the song, at which point I cringed and put my arms over my ears and made noises so that I couldn’t hear it. Sort of childish you might think, but I really fucking hate not only the song, but also the thought of it. I just realized what is most like going to happen within the next week or two, and let me just say FUCK YOU for trying to put me through that cruel torture.

On a side note, if any of you want to die and be completely original, find a way to be pronounced dead inside Disneyland. I admit it will be tough seeing as they have an agreement with the authorities in Orlando that prevents someone from being pronounced dead until after they are off Disneyland premises. That’s right, it’s such a magical place that nobody has ever died there. However, I would be very surprised if someone hasn’t gone fucking postal on those bastard kids in the “It’s a Small World” ride and killed one of them. I’m sure that if you were to find a way to be beheaded by a rollercoaster or something that they would have no choice but to pronounce you dead on the scene.

If there is anyone out there reading this that enjoys that ride please tell me so I can punch you in the face the next time I see you.

Emo

2008-02-21T17:03:00.002-05:00

Now for the post I’m certain a few of you have been waiting for, mainly Andy. Let me start off by saying that I have had my taste in music called a few different things such as “Angry teenage Music” and “Emo”. While I don’t particularly like having my music called “angry teenage music” I find emo really fucking annoying. Not because it isn’t emo, some but not most of it is, but because of the connotations that come along with that. Most of this gets to me because people for some fucking reason connect emo music to that of emo kids. I am not an emo kid. I do not wear tight pants. I have not dyed my hair jet black. My hair does not hang over my eyes. I have not tried to kill myself. I’m not sad, I’m angry. I do wish I had my old wrist bands back though; those things were fucking awesome when I was 10. Stop using the fucking emo term with me.

Also, to make matters worse the people that use the word the most also listen to most emo music I have. (City and Colour, In Black and White (used to be Machete Avenue), Saves The Day) People have no clue what emo music actually is. In fact, Weezer’s album Pinkerton is considered the defining albums of emo in the 90’s. Most of what I listen to has come from some form of punk music, as has emo, so there are quite a few similarities. Emo music started as a style of hardcore punk that did not deal with politics and was fast paced. So basically any Punk music that displays emotion towards something other than politics is emo. When people think emo now, they think of slow depressing songs written by people who just might kill themselves. This sentence came from Wikipedia, which is always right “Appropriately or not, emo has been used to describe such bands as AFI, Alexisonfire, Brand New, Coheed and Cambria, Fall Out Boy, From First to Last, Funeral for a Friend, Hawthorne Heights, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Senses Fail, Something Corporate, The Starting Line, Story of the Year, Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, The Used, and Underoath.”I find that sentence menacing because there is only one band in that sentence that isn’t on my iPod.

As I thought it might be interesting I decided I would go through my iPod and figure out how many of these bands list themselves as emo on purevolume.com. Just so you know they are allowed to list 3 genres that they belong to and I will now post the results as to which genre is named the most. This was quite a long process with over a 100 bands but it turns out I have the time.

Genre	Number of Bands	Percentage of bands
Rock	69	63
Punk	57	52
Emo/indie/screamo	41	37
Alternative	33	30
Hardcore/post hardcore/metal	27	25

See that, I listen to more rock and punk than emo, and the emo numbers include indie which some of which isn’t even emo. I even listed some bands as emo that didn’t list themselves that way. Now I know that you are going to bitch and complain about how they probably don’t want to list themselves as emo, but you can just go fuck yourselves. It’s not like these people haven’t seen the kids that come to their shows. There are some shows I wouldn’t go to because I’d fear that I would be the only person there with pants that were intended for a dude.

Andy purposely pisses me off with the emo term all the time; it may the one intentional attempt to anger me that works the most. Mainly because he likes to do it in front of a large group of people and knows that I won’t argue back, but then again I don’t really respect his taste in music because once again he listed the Trews in his top 5 Canadian bands. Oh and by the way, the person who posted anonymously saying that I had admitted to listening to Simple Plan on occasion is outright lying and probably a huge douche bag; I do not sit down and listen to Simple Plan ever. If you had said Good Charlotte that might have been true as they have a couple of awesome songs from before they became famous. The Click for one, but it might be more awesome because it reminds me of the cartoon The Undergrads.

Joust

2008-02-19T16:37:00.002-05:00

So last night I finally got to sit down and watch the finale of American Gladiators…the night it was on some of us had decided to go out for a few beverages. Now the men’s competition was just predictable and not all that intriguing. However I did enjoy watching that annoying as hell Alex guy get his ass kicked. That had to be the most annoying contestant ever. He thought he was funny and had all these one liners before each competition that made little to no sense. It would have been awesome if one of the hosts kicked him in the nuts. I’m not sure what would have been funnier, if Hulk Hogan did it or Laila Ali. On Hulks side, he was a professional “wrestler” which does their fair share of groin kicking. But Laila Ali as a girl and was a professional boxer. So I’m conflicted.

Now the part that actually gets to me; the rules of Joust. Once, during the season one of the Gladiators lost their balance and fell to their knees, resulting in a victory for the contender. But apparently the contender is allowed to fall to their knees, or sit on their ass and not be disqualified. Granted the person who did this twice took multiple hits to the head (I’ll avoid making a “took more shots to the face than…” joke) but she got 5 points out of it. The other girl stood there and got knocked off the platform and got no points. Thankfully this did not affect the final results as the girl who sat there and took it ended up losing in the eliminator. Is it against the rules to hit a gladiator in the groin with the pugil sticks? Because that may be the only way to beat Titan.

Another thing, how are the winners of this season going to be gladiators? They are nowhere near big enough, not to mention we already know their real names, so we will feel stupid calling them something like Titan or Crush. Will it be “the gladiators you are going up against in the gauntlet will be Titan, Toa (worst gladiator ever), Justice and Evan”? That’s just gay. It also creates problems for contenders that may draw this problem of having Evan chase them up the wall, as he is much faster than any other gladiator so it would be completely unfair. I think Monica has a better chance at being a good gladiator because she at least has the appropriate height required. However I think her husband may be a little worried that she might start to look/act a little scary once those steroids kick in. They should at least have to challenge a gladiator for their position on the staff and show the fight for the job on TV. Or, and this just came to me, the fans should get to vote on the 2 worst gladiators of the year and those two gladiators will face off as contestants at the start of next season for the right to keep their job.

By the way, I’ve been impressed with the comments lately, even the ones that are completely erroneous. And just so everyone knows, there is not a place on the American Gladiators website where I can complain as I knew someone would suggest I write them a letter.

Embarrassment

2008-02-18T11:44:00.003-05:00

This blog is about the stupid fucking people that do things that they should be embarrassed about but aren’t. The reason this pisses me off is because I get embarrassed for them. That’s right, when someone I might not even know does something embarrassing, I get embarrassed for them. Sometimes it’s not even real, just in a movie, it’s fucking ridiculous. Usually this feeling is due to me not wanting to be associated with or even of the same species as this train wreck of a person.

One example of this was in university where there was this guy in my program who had a tendency to ask the most idiotic questions ever. The Prof would be standing up there talking about something incredibly simple and all of a sudden this kid, who we will name Brian…as that is his real name, would throw up his hand and ask something that everyone in the room knows the answer to. It would be at this point I would get embarrassed because this kid usually got some of the best grades in the class, so I’m sure the Prof thought that the rest of the class was retarded, which I believe I am not. Eventually, I stop feeling embarrassed for this guy, because it happened to often and I realized he was a complete tool. Then eventually he started asking questions that made the Profs or TAs sound like idiots.

So to all you people out there who continue to do stupid things around me, Stop it, your fucking embarrassing me.

The instances that really annoy me are the ones that happen in the movies. I mean, why the fuck am I embarrassed by a fictional character? I’ll be sitting watching say Superbad, and Michael Cera’s character will do something incredibly awkward and I feel like I should try to get away from people by speed walking away from them when I realize they’re going the same way as me.

On a completely unrelated note, what the fuck is up with Bert Raccoon’s nose? I mean Ralph and Melissa Raccoon have regular raccoon noses, but Bert has a bent nose like the Sneers, Cyril and Cedric.

I mean does Bert always have to learn lessons at the end of episodes because he’s mentally retarded from being dropped on his fucking face as a child? Or is he actually half aardvark? And just so everyone knows, last night The Raccoons taught me if I’m ever in a popular band not to sell out and endorse awful cologne or else I might end up hanging from a branch in a hot air balloon that has been popped. But at least my band mates will forgive me and save me. Also, I just found out that Lisa Raccoon, who Bert has a crush on, is also Bert’s cousin…I can no longer take moral stories from this show.

And to those of you who don’t know what this show is that I’m talking about. FUCK YOU and STOP READING MY BLOG.

Sleep

2008-02-15T11:30:00.001-05:00

I enjoy a good sleep, but lately I have been incapable of sleeping. The last two nights I would say I was actually asleep for a total of maybe 2 hours. The rest of the time has been just laying there, awake, trying to fall asleep. This angers me because I can not find a way to relax my mind, I know I’m tired, but my fucking mind is racing from one thing to the next, and then back again… aw fuck it, I can already tell this post is going to suck. On to people who are trying to make my blog instead.

Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of ending the blog, mainly due to the fact that people seem to want to be in the blog. The only way they can do this is by angering me, but to tell you the truth, when I know people are trying to get into the blog, the actual anger from the event is lessened. Instead I find myself wondering why I put up with this bullshit. You people are trying to turn me into the incredibly bitter old man in an office that might go on a shooting spree. The time of anger you are invoking is not the same as what I normally write about. The normal posts are deep routed feelings that I have, not just a reaction to an event. I can’t help but believe these attempts are affecting my mentality and thus affecting my sleep. Please stop these stupid fucking attempts to anger me, in all likelihood you will probably do something that annoys me without even trying. (Take the pity post for instance) When I have people trying to anger me I actually have a harder time finding something to write about because I’m focused on the douche bagery that’s going on around me, thus causing me to lose sleep and a sense of focus. You may notice that this post may go back and forth and it may not, but I’m not about to fucking read it, so fuck you if you feel like complaining.

To those of you who are purposely giving my posts low ratings, do you not realize that maybe I use the ratings to see what people like so that I can write similar topics. Giving them a low rating doesn’t make me angry, just makes me wonder why I’m doing this because if they all suck, then why the fuck am I doing this.

Grammys part 3

2008-02-13T15:48:00.002-05:00

For the final segment let me start out by saying that watching the Grammys was the most tiring thing I have done in a long time.

10:24 – Introduce Herbie Hancock and some Asian Pianist I have never heard of. The troubling part of this performance was that you could hardly hear the pianos playing for most of the time, even when nobody else was playing, which doesn’t really make sense considering the two main performers here were playing the piano. Also, it was an excessively boring and torturous 8 minutes.

10:32 – they give out and award for best rap/sung collaboration and Rihanna ft. Jay-z wins for Umbrella. Apparently having an award for best rap song wasn’t good enough they just had to have one for the collaborations. Do they not realize that something like 90% of rap songs are actually collaborations? And they also have the nerve to put this redundant bullshit in the show. I just figured out that there were 110 Grammy awards given out this year, including one to Barack Obama who won for Best Spoken Word Album…he beat out Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and Alan Alda. Also, it turns out George Lopez had the right to be there as he was nominated for the Best Comedy Album…thankfully he lost and I’m just going to assume be came in last.

10:40 – Cuba Gooding Jr. is in London for some reason or another and they undoubtedly called him last minute to get him to do introduce Amy Winehouse. No thankfully today she was “sober” enough to decide to wear more than just her bra. She starts to sign, and man does she creep me out. She hardly moves the whole time other than moving her head up and down from time to time. It actually looks like, and this probably is quite possible, like she is reading the lyrics as she spends like 70% of her time looking almost straight down. Also, when she does move, it looks like she is a 5 year old boy who needs to go the washroom. She constantly is squeezing her legs together and putting her hands over her groin.

10:47 – Natalie Cole and Tony Bennett come out give out the Record of the Year award. It is at this time I’m thinking, hmmm, maybe this show might end on time, because they already gave out the song of the year, so you would think that record of the year would be like the album of the year. BUT NO, hold on, apparently, Record of the year is given to the people who record a song the best. And guess what, the same person that won song of the year, won record of the year for the same fucking song. What the FUCK is going on here, if I hadn’t committed myself to watching and taking notes on this bullshit show I would have left now. So then since she had just performed, Amy Winehouse is available to comment on this victory, via satellite, but instead, she gets the deer stuck in the headlights look, and then goes berserk. I worry that her eyeballs may pop out at any second. It is at this point I think I’m watching a horror movie, as she is one of the scariest things I’ve seen in a long time. If some Hollywood producer doesn’t use her as their next slasher movie I would be deeply disappointed.

10:54 – all I can hope for now is that this show ends on time as these images will take years of intensive therapy to get rid of.

10:56 – I’m having troubles focusing and I have no clue who is talking but I have gathered that his is some big shot most likely from the Recording Industry Association of America (or RIAA). Surprisingly, he is talking about how they are working on getting more money to the artists by going to countries that don’t pay royalties when they play music on the radio. While they did not show the audience, I’m pretty sure it was a standing ovation probably lead by Kayne West. Then he goes on to pat the academy on the back by claiming they had a 12 year old do a small performance years ago and now he is a Grammy nominated artist. What they failed to mention was that the same people who helped pay for his musical education are the same people that have the power to nominate people.

11:01 – Matt walks in and say that I “appear to be running out of steam.” Once again I have lost my focus and realize that they are, for some reason unknown to me, showing small clips of various old artists, and while it took me a while to figure it out, I’m pretty sure that it was all the artists who died in the past year.

11:03 – Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli perform. This really does not help with me the impending state of unconsciousness I am about to fall into, and what bugs me even more is that I am pretty sure some of it was not in English, the voices made it hard to understand even if it was in English. At one point I was certain it wasn’t English, but then I just became confused and had no clue anymore.

11:07 – Some other person I don’t know introduces John Fogerty, Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis. I have nothing bad to say about this as it was the best performance of the night.

11:19 – Hoping for no more than 11 more minutes

11:22 – Fucking pen is really pissing me off now…and my notes tell me never to go to a Beaches Family Resort.

11:24 – Will.I.Am does a Grammy rendition including the names of some songs…I’ve never heard someone attempt to rhyme so many things with Grammy. He then proceeds to tell the people in the audience in that they are “Stars” just for making it there…something I’m sure their millions of dollars have already told them.

11:26 – Usher and Quincy Jones present the Album of the Year award, they show nominees, Kayne West is shown either praying or anticipating a victory as he is on the edge of his seat leaning forward. Thankfully Kayne does not win, and Herbie Hancock does win. He goes up and says Joni Mitchells name roughly 5 times in a row. It has come abundantly clear that this speech is going to take the show past 11:30. In fact it does take it past 11:30 and since I’m on CBS and Starchoice routes Global's feed through, the video shifts back to the CBS feed right in the middle of the speech and is quite jumpy. Thankfully, I couldn’t care any less if I heard the speech or not. Now they have the nerve to play music during his speech to get him to stop, when they stopped the music for Kayne West’s mama speech.

11:31 – The speech ends and they immediately to commercial without saying a word. I wonder “Is it over? Or is there another performance.” Since I’ve put in this much time I figure I should wait it out.

11:34 – In the midst of commercials they put up a commercial to tell me that the Grammys will return, and then they go back to commercials.

11:37 – They put up something similar to a disclaimer that informs me as to how you go about get nominated and how and who votes…because I’m real worried about the legitimacy of this bullshit. The funniest part may be that they have an independent accounting firm count the votes. Seriously, do you need to be an accountant to count? Then they show roughly 3 seconds of the final performance and cut to credits and it is finally over.

In summary, never watch the fucking Grammys.

Grammys Part 2

2008-02-12T14:56:00.000-05:00

So now I’m into the second hour of over three and a half hours….you may notice that I seem to be losing my focus.

9:03 – so Cher comes out looking like a bag of silicon as usual and introduces Beyonce; who goes into this rendition of name dropping of former female performers at the Grammys. It was one of the hardest parts to watch. Then at the end she introduces Tina Turner who comes out and starts singing. Matt yells from the washroom to see if it is actually Tina Turner singing. It is at this point I wonder if they accidentally left the ice making machine on inside the Staples Center as Tina Turners nipples are clearly telling me she is cold. This is information I clearly did not need to know. Then Tina tries to dance with her backup dancers who are much thinner and younger than her, and she fails miserably. Tina then calls out Beyonce to sing with her and I would critic this but Auger calls and I miss most of the performance….well done Auger, well done.

9:12 – Andy Williams comes out to present an award. Turns out he’s shouldn’t have been allowed because he is too old and senile to talk properly into the microphone, thus creating one awkward situation. They give the award to the crack whore named in the last post, but the part that angers me is the fact that Plain White T’s “Hey, There Delilah” is nominated. And it’s not because I don’t like the song…(I actually don’t mind it) but because it was originally released in 2005 on the CD “All that We Needed”, then again in 2006 on their EP “Hey, There Delilah”, and then they release another CD that did not have it in 2006. Who’s going to be nominated for song of the year next year? Probably an unreleased Frank Sinatra song.

9:20 – They announce the winner of the “My Grammy Moment” (that thing where they get to play with Foo Fighters) and the Asian girl wins…as she should have. Now here is the kicker, they don’t actually play with the Foo Fighters, they with the orchestra that is playing with the Foo Fighters. What an awful prize, I’d of been happier winning a T-shirt, you wouldn’t of been able to tell she was even playing if they hadn’t shown her multiple times.

9:27 – I had to go pee

9:32 – My fucking pen keeps dying and it’s really pissing me off. George Lopez comes out, tries to be funny, making funny of Mexicans as usual, fails at being funny and at life. He then introduces Brad Paisley who plays one of the ugliest guitars I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know how to describe it, Matt thought it was bedazzled but there weren’t actual beads on it, there were just sort of random shiny parts.

9:37 – Chris Brown talks into the mic, then awkwardly shifts away from it. I wasn’t really paying attention, but I assume he tried to say something funny, but got no reaction whatsoever. The group of people presents the award for best Rap Album. Kayne West wins and still has MAMA shaved in his fucking head. He goes through his speech being the regular cocky bastard he is, suggesting he has saved hip hop music and talking about himself. Then when the music starts to play to get him to leave he acts as though he deserves more time and then continues on. Then he starts to talk about his mama and laces into the people playing the music saying that they should stop the music when he’s talking about his mama and they actually do it. Here’s an idea, if you don’t want to rush your comments to your mama, try talking about her at the start instead of how great you are. Man what a fucking tool.

9:41 – Ludacris come out and introduces Aretha Franklin. This is the beginning of where I thought I might have accidentally changes to the Miracle Network because for the next 9 minutes it was nothing but religious songs, I think Jesus or God was mentioned roughly ever 3 seconds. What didn’t help the matter is the fact that Aretha Franklin is huger than ever and was dressed as though she was attempting to be the sun in a grade 3 play. It was also hard watching her run (maybe more of a shuffle) from one stage to the other at one point.

9:56 – Feist performs the song that became popular through the iPod commercial. It’s relatively uneventful. (Boring)

10:00 – Kid Rock and Keely Smith sing a song together, and as we all know Kid Rock can’t fucking sing. I’m just happy when it’s over. Then they present the best rock album award which includes a nomination for Daughtry…seriously? Apparently there are only 5 rock bands who submitted music for this show because this is one awful fucking band. I think that in order to be considered a rock band you can’t have had a member be involved with the American idol franchise. (I just got another idea for a post) Also, it should be require that you don’t suck.

10:05 – the show claims that we are all getting closer to the performance we have all been waiting for, which is apparently Amy Winehouse. Here is a suggestion for anyone who wants to become incredibly well liked by creating average sounding music. Once a few people have heard of you, do on a huge drug using spree, people will then be sympathetic towards you and people will vote for you. Then be such a mess that other countries won’t allow you to enter. Then when you play at the award shows via satellite (which isn’t exactly a miracle) you will be billed as the performance everyone has been waiting for. Also, you will probably win awards.

10:10 – Stevie Wonder comes out and has no clue what is going on in the audience…surprise, surprise. (He’s blind for you dumbasses) He then does his best Alicia Keys impression and then introduces her. Now Alicia Keys was well somewhat normal, but one of her band members looked like a total douche bag. This clown had a faux hawk, large aviators and was in a constant power stance while playing his guitar. Now the power stance would be fine if he was, I don’t know playing in the Ramones…but with Alicia keys? Not a chance. Then John Mayer comes out and plays a guitar solo and sings backup vocals like a girl. If they wanted someone to play a guitar solo, couldn’t they have gotten someone a little better…I mean it is a music awards show, there has to be at least one phenomenal guitar player there.

10:16 – Ringo Starr and Dave Stewart come out to present the best country album award. Vince Gill wins and 50 year old women across North America rejoice. (He’s old) Vince makes a funny play saying he’s happy that he just received a Grammy from a Beatle and proceeds to taunt Kayne West by asking him if he’s ever had that happen. Kayne awkwardly laughs, but I can tell it’s eating him up.

10:19 – they go to commercial, and my note read I’m “really getting tired of this bullshit”

So that is the end of part 2, the next one is, you guess it, part 3 and it will be the final one. So stay tuned for the Amy Winehouse performance (I know you’ve all been waiting for it) and the music industry describing how they are going to make more fucking money.

Grammys Part 1

2008-02-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

So last night I put myself through hell for this blog and watched the Grammys and not only did I watch it, I took notes. So here are my thoughts on roughly the first hour of the Grammys with more to come on later days.

8:00 – They have an opening performance involving Frank Sinatra and a singer who at the time I have no clue who the fuck it is because they never told you. (I later find out its Alicia Keys…who may or may not have been hosting…..was there a fucking host?)

8:04 – apparently it’s the 50^th year of the Grammys so they are going through this boring bullshit history of the Grammys and some of it’s original winners and blah, blah, blah….

8:05 – Carrie Underwood performs that song everyone has heard 5 million times. She appears to be trying to make people believe that the drum sounds are being made by dancers hitting the rims of car wheels, when clearly just dancing. What the fuck does she think this is….Stomp? How is it that country music is the most bastardized music in the world.

8:09 – Best female R&B album or song or something is handed out to Alicia Keys. This is really an accomplishment as I haven’t heard of 3 of the 5 nominees. Then she has the never to not only thank god (classic award ceremony thing to do) but also the angels. And if thanking the angels wasn’t enough, she goes on to thank everyone who has a dream…

8:12 – before going to one of the 5 minute long commercial break they list off a bunch of performances I already know I’m going to hate and it is at this time I decide I better go get more paper to write on.

8:17 – They introduce the “chairman of the board” who happens to be Jimmy Jam of some group called The Time who I have never heard of but apparently haven’t played together for 15 years…then in the middle of his speech, guess what…… his band mates come out and they magically have the music queued up and the jump into one of their songs. At this point I realize I may have heard of their music but only because of the part where they chant ‘oh wee oh wee oh”. Then Rihanna jumps in and performs Umbrella wearing what appears to be an ostrich. I’m not a particularly big fan of this song and this was worse than normal. Then part way through the song they switch to another song. (common theme in the show) I do not know what this song was called but I will assume it’s called “Don’t stop the music” as it had certain tendencies that I’ve referred to with the Trews. Oh and the damn dancers are wearing suspenders, but not in the uncool way that holds your pants up, but in the cool way where they hang down and do nothing.

8:22 – Tom Hanks comes out announces that the Band are receiving a lifetime achievement award. (One of roughly 10 they gave out that night) Then he goes on to introduce two performances dealing with the Beatles, one being a done my Circ du Soleil and the other by the people of Across the Universe. (I think we all know how I feel about musicals)

8:25 – Circ du Soleil do the usual artsy circus crap and the whole time I am just hoping the girl falls from here ropes so that I get at least one good laugh in.

8:30 – Across the Universe does there whole Beatles thing lead by basically a church choir singing “Let It Be”. I can’t help but notice the token white guy in the choir.

8:33 – Miley Cyrus (daughter of Billy Ray) and Cyndi Lauper (who can’t talk and may or may not be retarded) hand out the award for Best New Artist. Once again I’ve never heard of 3 of the 5 nominees and one of the ones I have heard of is because of the damn iPod commercial. (The Feist one) Amy Winehouse wins, isn’t there because she is a crack whore and can’t get into the country. Yes believe it or not the USA must think they have already filled their crack whore quota.

8:35 – Jason Bateman is outside and tells me that the Foo Fighters will eventually perform, giving me something to look forward to. Then he tells us that we get to vote for one of these three contestants to get to play with the Foo Fighters. The one dude plays an instrument that looks like a hospital bed pan……and I must say he played quite shitty……I want to kill myself for making that joke. Also this is a clear attempt by CBS to make money off this as you can vote by either text messaging them or going to their website.

8:45 – Kayne West comes out and plays Stronger, the song still sucks and he wears glasses that light up so that all you can see are his glasses and some other light up things on his coat. However I have noticed that he has the word MAMA shaved into his fucking head. Now I understand that your Mama died tragically, but I think there are better places to put the word Mama, such as make that light up on your coat you pretentious fuck. Then as usual, half way through the song he goes to a new song about….you guessed it, his Mama. This may be the most listenable Kayne song I’ve heard.

8:52 – Fergie sings and John Legend plays piano. The song isn’t too bad but I still want to kick Fergie in the teeth. After the song they present the award for best compilation soundtrack album. The winner is “Love” it’s a Beatles thing and Ringo Starr comes up with two other dudes to accept. Ringo starts his speech with “My name is Ringo”

This is the end of my first part of the Grammys posts; I actually have only got through page 1 of 4 of my notes. Stay tuned for the next one that will include Cher, George Lopez, Tina Turner, Chris Brown, Aretha Franklin and what I believed to be my accidental switch to the Miracle Network.

Internet Acronyms

2008-02-10T18:59:00.000-05:00

I am not an English major by any sense of the imagination…you may have figured this out from my previous posts, but all I can say is at least I don’t use acronyms. Now, I personally am a lazy person, usually I when I don’t write a post here it’s because it would take too much effort during my day of sitting, usually in front of the computer with nothing to do, but I still refuse to use these brutally lazy forms of conversation. In fact most of the time, using an acronym might save you having to type one or two letters, and in a day when most people can type roughly 40 words per minute, these means you saved yourself fractions of a second. Now fractions of a second can be quite valuable, if you are an Olympic sprinter or in a life and death situation but I’m guessing that if you are sitting at your computer reading my blog, you are neither. Ask yourself this question, when I type “lol” how often am I actually laughing out loud? The reason I say this is because at one time I used to actually use this acronym, until I realized that I was never actually laughing out loud...I might have smiled, but that’s about it. And then if I did find myself actually laughing out loud, I would actually tell the person that this time I was actually laughing out loud. Now that is one giant waste of fucking time. And now, for all of you who use them, I will provide a list of internet acronyms, their meanings, what I take them to mean and some of the most ridiculous ones (some I’ve never heard of) that if I ever caught someone using I would have to denounce that person as a friend and possibly stone them. Or as Kelly Tilghman might suggest, “Lynch him in a back alley.”

BFO	“Blinding Flash of Obvious”	Seriously? What the fuck would you ever use this for? I didn’t know obvious could blind me.
BOHICA	“Bend Over, Here It Comes Again!”	Ok this one is kind of funny, but I don’t think anyone has ever used this in a conversation
BRB	“Be Right Back”	This one could be useful, but usually you feel the need to explain where you are going and therefore you could have saved your fucking time by just telling me what you had to do.
BTW	“By The Way”	“I could have just told you something but I wasted your time making you decipher what the fuck BTW means”
CUL8R	“See You Later”	“haha get it “C” sounds like “see”, U sounds like “you” and 8 sounds like “ate”….i just saved myself half a second and made myself sounds like a pre-pubescent girl” These people shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a computer or for that matter a person of the opposite sex as we don’t need them having children.
CYA	“cover your arse”	This one annoys me because I would have thought this meant see ya based on the last one
IMO	“In my Opinion”	In my opinion if you use this you’re a tool
L8R	“later”	Really? You were in such a rush you couldn’t hit those extra two letters……or just typed “bye”
LMAO	“Laughing my ass off”	No, you’re not
LOL	“Laughing out loud”	“that wasn’t funny, but I can tell you’re trying to be, so I’ll humor you and pretend like you’re hilarious”
ROFL	“roll on the floor laughing”	If you were rolling on the flooring laughing….you wouldn’t be able to fucking type, but I have heard hitting the “h” and the “a” button repeatedly is difficult you fucking douche bags
SOL	“Smiling out loud”	Smiles don’t make sounds………
TTYL	“talk to you later”	This may be the one I see the most, can’t you just type later? My dad makes this one worse by adding his name at the end as though he is writing a fucking email or letter. “Alright, ttyl, Dad”
WTF	“What the Fuck”	This would be a good one if it wasn’t for the fact that actually typing out what it means is way more effective

I am reasonably certain that I have not used any of these in the past two years, but if you can prove me wrong do it. I think if anyone can it would be one mister Lex Martin, who happens to be gay, a huge nerd and write an inferior blog that next to nobody reads. Coincidently he has had men tell him to BOHICA many a times.

And for fucks sake, leave a comment and rate the post….otherwise I will rate it myself and get 5 stars every time (see the last post).

The Trews

2008-02-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

When I was thinking about starting this post I thought about first apologizing to all the fans of The Trews before hand, but then I realized that there is no need because anyone who likes The Trews is a fucking idiot. This has to be the worst band of all time; I’d rather listen to Simple Plan and Good Charlotte all day or be kicked in the nuts (eh, maybe not) as opposed to having to listen to them.

The main reason I hate their music is the lyrics, I mean they must have worked on the lyrics for each song for like 2 minutes and then decided that the ten words they had come up with were good enough. And then they obviously decided to just repeat them throughout the song so that they could go have anal sex with other men or something else that fruits tend to do. (at least maybe the guy on the far right) Oh God, "I'm not ready to go" just got new meaning and I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

The best example of this is the song, “Not Ready To Go” in which they repeat, and you guess it, “I’m not ready to go” for roughly 90% of the song. By the end of the song I’m ready to go slit my wrists so I don’t have to be subjected to it again.

To make matters worse, the music is somewhat catchy (don’t get that confused with good) and thus it gets stuck in my head when I hear it. It reminds me of a song by NOFX called Medio-core which points out how awful music tends to be. Lyrics below:

Medio-core
It's not forsaken
The music they're makin'
Will leave you with a feeling of indifference
How was the band?
They were okay (okay)
Not great (all right)
But pretty good
They played the songs I knew they would
Some old
Some new
The same formula stays true
We can concur
It's medio-core

Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
So all the kids can sing along (ahh)
Sing along (ahh)

The list keeps growin'
The melodies been stolen
Remind me of songs sung in the 70's
You might fool the kids
But you don't fool me
Have you ever heard of something called
aboriginality?

Is it absurd
To compose music no one's ever heard
Predictability
Like a bussom will comfort them
My one true foe
L.C.D.

(Medio-core) It's under powered
The riffs are all deflowered
(Medio-core) It's spreading faster
Than British tooth decay
(Medio-core) Are you ready to rock?
How ya'll doing tonight?
(Medio-core) Your condescending fucks
Make me wanna laugh and puke at the same time.
(Medio-core)
I'm one to speak,
This song sounds like fifteen you've heard before
Medio-core

Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
So all the kids can sing along (ahh)
Sing along (ahh)

It also angers me when someone actually has the nerve to say that they are a good band. One such person who has done so is my brother Andy. One day he actually put them in his top 5 Canadian bands….whether it was to annoy me or not is another question. Post your top 5 Canadian Bands of all time….including solo artists. I’d list mine right now but I’ll save that for another post that will surely cause Jake and Matt to start a riot.

Mike Milbury

2008-02-06T16:59:00.001-05:00

Mike Milbury is a tool. For those of you who do not know who Mike Milbury is, well he is an ex-NHL player/coach/GM who is most famous for jumping into the stands during a game and beating a fan with a shoe….also for being an awful GM but I sort of liked him in that role.

How this douche bag gets any job let alone a job that allows him to talk to millions is beyond me, but somehow this guy works for two national TV channels and one local channel analyzing hockey games during intermissions.

As though the fact that he has sucked at basically everything in life before his TV career wasn’t enough he also sucks at analyzing hockey. I would actually like to suggest that he doesn’t actually watch hockey games, but rather probably sits there and plays with himself until it’s time to talk and then makes up stuff that might have been rumored years ago. One such topic he likes to talk about especially pisses me off because it concerns my New York Rangers and one Jaromir Jagr. Mike Milbury was the GM for the New York Islanders, who have gotten remarkably better since he left. It is quite obvious he hates the Rangers and thus attacks their best (?) player with comments that would make no sense to any person with a single brain cell. One thing he recently said about Jagr as that he could tell that Jagr was not trying and didn’t care anymore because when Jagr scores a goal these days, he doesn’t celebrate like he did when he was younger. Now I am not a NHL player but I’m pretty sure that by the time you are 36 and have scored 621 career NHL goals, you might not get as excited for each goal. (I believe the real reason he injured his shoulder two playoffs ago was from too much fist pumping throughout his career) In fact, it used to be that some analysts hated when he celebrated goals. Thankfully, TSN doesn’t have a lot of Rangers games, so I don’t have to watch him much, but then he works for NBC which covers the Rangers on some Sundays thus infuriating me.

Now the next part of this blog is directed at the retards that hire him in the first place. This is the same guy who and this is going to be a long list of stupid moves:

Coached an all-star game and brought enforcers Chris Nilan and Brian Skrudland (both eventually missed due to injury) ahead of Kirk Muller and Guy Lafleur, thus creating a rule that players had to be picked by a committee.
Traded Todd Bertuzzi, Brian McCabe and a third rounder for Trevor Lindin
Traded Zdeno Chara and the pick that was Jason Spezza for Alexi Yashin
Traded Roberto Luongo and Olli Jokinen for Mark Parrish and Oleg Kvasha
Then immediately selected Rick Dipietro first overall ahead of Dany Heatley and Marion Gaborik
Traded Eric Brewer, Josh Green and 2nd round selection (Brad Winchester) in 2000 to the Edmonton Oilers for Roman Hamrlik.

Now this in its own should tell you that he does not know anything about hockey and would lead the average person to say “No, you can not for my TV station….you fucking tool.” But not only do they hire him, they then go out and act like him beat a Rangers fan with a shoe is the coolest thing ever. They show it repeatedly on both TSN and NBC. Does anyone here think that if Ron Artest were to eventually make his way into a TV studio that they would repeatedly show him beating up a fan in Detroit? NO, and I’d imagine the NBA would almost certainly tell them they can’t show it.

Anyways, I had another point but I got so worked up I forgot it.

Pity

2008-02-05T14:51:00.000-05:00

-noun
Sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy (www.dictionary.com)

If there is one thing I hate to receive, its pity, because. After breaking my hip I received a fairly large amount of pity...which annoyed the hell me because it reminded me that I had broken my hip…then I’d push the button to get another shot of morphine and things would be slightly better. I think this hatred of pity is what has influence my current type of constant anger. This is because before I broke my hip, if I got angry I would just start throwing punches or scream out outrageous things. Like this one time I got so angry that I went to room and yelled out “I hate everybody!” which I then clarified by stating “I even hate God!”

Since I was confined to a hospital bed, and the people angering me were not doing it intentionally, it would be hard to hit them. This was the point when I started to mumble…probably so that people could not understand what I was saying. Now I like to think that I mumble less now than I used to, but the anger that comes over me when someone obviously pities me is still quite great. In fact, all these people that post comments that are clearly intended to anger me, don’t work half as well as the one comment that showed pity. But now since there will undoubtedly be more pity comments coming with the intention of angering me…this likely won’t anger me as much either.

Tomorrow I may do the first sports related post (Mike Milbury), which is sure to be more passionate and probably fairly long.

Dreams

2008-02-04T16:00:00.000-05:00

Lately something odd has been happening and that is the fact that I am remembering some of my dreams. Basically the only time I remember my dreams is when they are incredibly weird, which is certainly true to me in this occasion.

So here’s the situation (it’s quite short), in this dream I’m talking to this girl, eventually I get up the nerve to ask her out and she answers “no”. This is the point where I wake up, and the feeling isn’t that of a nightmare or something like that, but more of a “What the Fuck?” I mean if it was real life where I don’t really control the situation, Ok, but this is a story going on in my own fucking head. It’s like one of those cheesy lines in the movies …you know “Not even in your dreams” or something like that. I mean, this story really shouldn’t affect anyone else, and therefore my brain should have made this as pleasant for me as possible, but no, it has to confuse the hell out of me and cause me to wake up. If I had it my way I would be able to do anything in my dreams….if I want to spin around like a top on an erection, I should be able to do that. Unfortunately, I don’t think what ever part of my brain is responsible for a dream is going to be willing to accommodate that.

Well, that was more of a sad, what a loser type story than anything. I’ll get back to something more angering tomorrow…maybe. Also, you can now rate my posts.....go back and rate some of the old ones too.

Sweeny Todd

2008-02-02T17:09:00.001-05:00

The other day I downloaded a copy of Sweeny Todd not having really known anything about it other than the fact that it got nominated for an Oscar or two. I burned it onto a DVD with a few other movies with the intention of watching it in the somewhat near future. Then my brother asked one night if I wanted to watch a movie so I said ok and I proceeded to list the new movies I had, one of which was Sweeny Todd. We both agreed that it looked a little too weird/gay to watch. I told him that I also could have put Across the Universe on the DVD but I hate musicals, at which point Matt brought to my attention that Sweeny Todd was in fact also a musical. My initial reaction was to scream out “AH, FUCK” due to my hatred of musicals.

Now my hatred of musicals is fairly all encompassing as I couldn’t even make it through The Nightmare Before Christmas. (I think I made it 30 minutes in and then just shut it off) There is just something about people trying to act out a story through song that annoys the hell out of me…..I mean there are way better ways to get a point across. Such as talking!

Who the hell would writes a musical or decides to take a Broadway musical and turn it into a movie. I mean it's like they look at a story and say "Hey, this story might be a little too good, maybe we should tell it in the most retarded way possible." My only hope is that these people, who clearly must be on some sort of narcotic, soon die off and take their crappy musicals with them.

The only question that remains is whether or not I ever end up watching it. I’m going to bet that I won’t, as I have had movies for a couple of years now that I haven’t watched and they are now more appealing to me. The only things that may entice me to watch it is that there is supposed to be some killing in it, and I’d thoroughly enjoy it if they kill anyone who begins to sing.

I don’t know if I have successfully shown my true anger for this situation….I can’t really think what to write, just know this…..MUSICALS FUCKING SUCK!

Sidewalks

2008-01-30T14:27:00.000-05:00

Alright so hear is idea number two of four from a night I literally got out of bed to write down the things that were angering me. The first was the X-ray one. Today I will talk about people who don’t know how to walk on a sidewalk properly……or at least according to my rules. For the most part people walking on sidewalks are not complete morons (someone give me a new word, I seem to use moron a lot, so post comments with new insults for me to use) but there are certain people who are. These people either walk incredibly slow or refuse to allow you to also use the sidewalk.

Now the slow people are less annoying than the others but still, normally they are walking slowly as they are in a large group and this may have nothing to do with walking, but I’m pretty sure in bicycle races and stuff like that, they bunch up into groups so that they can go faster. This is because only the people at the front have to break the wind. But when it comes to walking it seems like the fat people always end up at the front of the pack and let’s face it it’s then less of a case of the person breaking the wind as opposed to the persons clothing acting like a sail………I just made all that up, I don’t really recall fat people being at the front, but I find it to be a funny concept sort of like how a transport…..err ice cream truck isn’t really aerodynamic. They’re likely usually at the back picking up all the crumbs people mistakenly drop as they walk…..hehehe, too easy.

Now the people that don’t allow you to the use the sidewalk just infuriate me. These groups usually walk 3 people wide and take up the whole sidewalk refusing to move for people coming the opposite way. Not that I usually like to generalize, but usually, at least where I went to school, it was either girls or people from the entire continent of Asia. (This may draw some angry comments but not likely considering my usual audience.) My problem with them not moving is I don’t like walking in mud. It reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Homer is walking home from the prom and exclaims “Alright, Alright, I’ll walk in the mud.” Or something like that. Only this time it isn’t someone that you like that is going to give you a ride, but rather some douche bag that you would like to sort of dip your shoulder into as you walk past. And you would do it too if they weren’t bigger than you, or a girl…..who is bigger than you. To these retards I simply hope they someday realize that one of them can simply slow down and fall behind the other two for a mere couple of seconds….I assure you, you won’t miss too much talk about cricket or your buddy’s sisters friends new accessorized Honda civic, I feel like asking them if they accessorized their dolls when they were younger. (Ok so now I’m focusing on one specific group)

Also, people pretend the sidewalk is like the road and walk on the fucking right hand side of it, I don’t want to have to weave from side to side just because one assclown thinks he lives on a British island.

Oh and another thing, if it’s winter and there is only 2 feet of sidewalk and you are trying to ride your bike on the sidewalk……I’m not going to move for. I will also laugh when you fall into the snow bank.

X-rays

2008-01-28T13:15:00.001-05:00

Due to breaking my hip when I was younger, I have had many X-rays of my pelvic area. Now this may not seem bad, until you find the amount of diligence they go through to protect ones balls from harmful x-rays. Now I had at least one x-ray per month on average for about 4 years so I have become accustomed to the two standard ways that they way go about blocking the testicles. The best way was to use this heavy metallic laced blanket that thoroughly covered everything. Then there is the one that just doesn’t make sense and unfortunately the most common one used on me.

The problem involved with this second tactic is that the item used is too small where the only way to get both testes protected would be to stack them, and that’s pretty hard to do, especially without using your hands. (Yes, I realize the type of comments I will undoubtedly get about my junk, assholes) You can see an illustration below (of the item, not the stacking):

Not only is it small, but usually it was placed on you randomly by a female x-ray technician most likely trying to avoid a sexual harassment charge, so they just sort of guessed. Now it’s not like I wanted to be molested each time I got an x-ray but they could have at least allowed me the opportunity to adjust myself. But no, they put it on there, make you lay in the most uncomfortable way and then say, don’t move an inch and run off to push the button. They don’t seem to care that I may end up with mutant babies with no junk.

Then to make matters worse, you then had to take these x-rays over to see your doctor, and since you’re a minor, your parents walk in with you. The doctor throws the x-rays on the screen and as he talks about how your bones are recovering you fully expect him to end with “and look here is the outline of your testicles.”

Alright, go ahead and make your jokes

Green Energy

2008-01-27T13:37:00.000-05:00

Let me start off this article by saying that I do recognize global warming and I don’t like it as I thoroughly enjoy winter. But some of the people who advocate the use of only green power are morons. Now the main types of green power include wind power, small-scale hydropower and solar power. In general, the same people that advocate the usage of these types of power also support the development of electric cars, and hydrogen power cars. Now I don’t know everything about power, but I’m pretty sure that those three types of green power make up less than 25% of the worlds power. This creates a problem because in order to run an electric car, surprise, surprise, you need electricity. Guess where most of this power is going to come from…..coal power plants and nuclear power plants. Same thing goes for hydrogen powered cars; you need a large amount of electricity to convert water to hydrogen.

Now here is what annoys me. Nuclear power is considered by some organizations as green energy although it’s a bit sketchy. So then that Live Earth event rolls along and I watched a bit of it, and apparently nuclear power is the root of all evil, at least in Australia. Here, artists wore shirts that said “Say No to Nuclear Energy”.

Now if these people were smart they would realize that there is almost no god damn way that we are going to power the world off wind and solar power and that instead they should support research for nuclear fusion who’s by products are radioactive for one tenth the time of the current nuclear process.

Now, on to the real idiots. Currently, there is a wind mill in downtown Toronto on the lakeshore and there have been a few problems…..mainly sometimes there is no WIND! This is only a problem because there a apparently numerous morons in the area that for some reason will call whoever it is that runs the windmill to complain that it is not moving. These people are lucky I am not the one answering the phones. I mean seriously it’s called a windmill; the word “wind” is in the freaking name. Pathetically, I have been told (this may be untrue but I’d believe it) that the company now powers the windmill to make it turn when it normally wouldn’t because this is easier to do than deal with the aforementioned morons. Another problem with wind power is this, typically in Ontario we use the most power on days that are hot and humid to cool our houses to a point were it is unbearable to then go outside. If we were to go outside, we would realize that on these days where we need as much power as possible, the air is typically stagnant as there is no wind.

Cowards

2008-01-26T23:34:00.001-05:00

Today what really pisses me off is the number of cowards who posted anonymous comments on my blog as well as the piece of shit counter that was at the bottom of this page.

First I’ll let you read what I was going to post before I found out about the counter problem:

As of the time that I am typing this, there have been 33 unique visitors to the site, which isn’t too bad. But then when I look at the number of total hits there are 679.

That is fucking ridiculous!

Now I will admit that there are probably at least 20 of those from me checking to see if anyone has commented, but that means that either there is a significant problem with my counter, or the other 32 people have averaged going to the page 20 times…….in less than 40 hours. Now this does go to prove my point that people love to see me angry, but also goes to prove that my readers need to get a fucking life. The least these people could do is at least pass this blog on to their friends so that the numbers don’t look so freaking stupid.

By the time I finished writing that the counter then read 1101 total hits and 36 unique hits……now either someone was anticipating the new post a little too much and was repeatedly hitting refresh. Or the place I got the counter is run by a bunch of special ed students. I mean seriously, if your website is devoted to creating a counter that people can use on their sites, you would at least think you would be able to make one that works. Yes I know I got it for free, but they put that little ad below it so in a way I paid for the counter and then they gave me the money back for advertising space. Anyways, I now have a new total hits counter that is way behind the actual number of hits and it hurts every time I look at it.

Now on to the cowardly comments. You morons realize that when you comment there is the option of entering a nickname right? Well use it. This way I can at least respond to you when you complain about stupid shit like my grammar. Now I will admit that some of the anonymous were blatantly obvious as to whom it was, such as Jake mentioning something that I did not even realize may have infuriated me (Kevin Cash getting a World Series ring……however I’m not sure if he was on the World Series roster). As for Jagr being the most under-achieving player, don’t you cheer for the Maple Leafs Lockie? (I only know it was you because Matt told me it was) McCabe? Raycroft? Darcy Fucker? Kubina? In fact, the Leafs are paying McCabe more than the Rangers are paying Jagr.

This may be the least angry post I make….I wasn’t really feeling the anger after watching Matt fly through the air like Bobby Orr when he tripped on a log while playing hockey today.....and for your information he missed the net and did not score.

On a side note I think I may but ads on the side of my blog as no matter how much I make this would be my highest paying job in over a year.

Stay tuned for the next post when I discuss hippies and their green power.

First Post

2008-01-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

OK, so somehow I've been talked into doing this blog, solely based on the fact that people find my anger to be funny, which brings me to my first thing that angers me. Why the hell do people find it funny when I'm angry? Granted I seem to be at least surly if not angry at most times, but how is that funny. The worst part is certain people laugh when I get angry, which is turns makes me more angry. For instance, last night my brothers brought up my old blog (which lasted all of one post) and then started talking about how they would read my blog if I made one because it would be hilarious due to my angry tendencies. Now this angered me, in fact I could not sleep last night due to me thinking about this very post about how it angers me that people find my anger funny. I've come to the conclusion that apparently anger is funny, as you don't see them laughing at people who tend to be excessively happy all the time.

Now my surliness is fairly well known, in fact three separate groups of people have at one point labeled me as surly, and none of these groups were aware that another group had called me that. Probably everyone's favorite story of me being surly occurred right before I entered high school when I was in the hospital. So I was in the hospital after breaking my hip and was in there for a week. Now everyday this same volunteer would come in and ask me if I wanted something to play with. Everyday I would say no I'm fine, although I've been informed probably in not the clear way possible as I tended and possibly still tend to mumble when I'm annoyed. After I would say no, she would then go on to make sure I don't want anything by naming every god damn item they had in the hospital such as puzzles and movies and video games. I'm sure if someone had just walked into the building with a rubber ball she would have listed that too. Part of this problem may have been due to the fact that I've always looked younger than I am. So anyways, one day my two older brothers were there one day and in strolls the volunteer. She asks if I want to see the A&W Root Bear (the bugger in the picture below).

Now, I mumbled no, but within seconds in came the A&W Root Bear. Now I'm pretty pissed off at the moment as this moron is hopping around in this big dumb ass Bear costume trying to make me happy and my brothers are killing themselves laughing at me. Now this would force some people to at least crack a smile, but not me, it just pissed me off more. To this day I still hear my brother tell this story at least 3 times a year, and it happened something like 11 years ago. Thankfully I can now laugh at this story, but I'm still a little bitter about it.